"I Laaaaa" Are Some Of The Most Special Words My Heart Will Always Cherrish

"I Laaaaaa" Are Some Of The Most Special Words My Heart Will Always Cherrish

Here I sit at my Dad's deathbed in the middle of the night listening to him snore. He is on the same wing as I was when I was here over a week ago. His nurse reconizes me, she is very kind and compasionate.

I am the youngest child of 8. My dad is old enough to be my grandfather. He and I have been close and we are a lot alike. We both love Jesus and His animals and all His creation. I have many good memories with him as do other family members. He is the type of guy whom is mellow, quiet and calm but with a since oh humor.

 He was a champion boxer in the early 1950s both before and during his life as a soldier in the Korean War. He never lost a fight although he did not win one of those fights. No one could equal my dad's boxing skills but one man. Him and that man went round after round neither one giving up. Finally after a long battle the fight was ended and both my Dad and the other man were declared as both being winners as it was a tie. 

All throughout Dad's life he has been a fighter but this time his battels were outside the ring. Losing his parents were his biggest battle, then in 2001 he lost his beloved and very devoted faithful friend which was a black and white dog named Jiggs. I did not see my Dad cry at his mother's funeral (his dad died before I was born). I suppose that is because she was elderly and ready to go be with Jesus. But when Jiggs died he cried. Him and I were with Jiggs when that very special canine took his last breath. My dad cried and said "I just lost my best friend" 

I am and always have been a daddy's girl. Growing up I knew no other man was as strong or special as my Dad. I was right. I was the unexpected suprise baby. They didn't think they would have anymore  children. Well they were wrong because me, number 8, was made and now here I am the youngest child only a few years older then his grandchildren. 

Beings that my siblings were so much older then me my dad would take his older grand kids with us camping so I would have playmates. We all spent countless hours in the water as we camped. Dad was a very good swimmer and diver back in the day. His fancy summer salts and dives off of the diving board would cause people to gather on the beach to watch. I beamed as I heard them say things like "look at that man dive, it's encreditable!" He was showing up the young punks big time. His 40 and 50ish year old body was no match for those young men for Dad was unstoppable. Despite his age he used a push mower and split wood with just an axe.

At the age of 66 he took a sudden unexpected turn for the worse. That is when his Parkinson's disease was found. That was a differant kind of blow to the head then what he was used to in the boxing ring. Finally and sadly the very strong fighter was entering the ring for another long battle but this time it was the battle that would make him loose. As the years went on he lost more strength and control. At the age of 81 we had to put him in a nursing home because his Parkinson's was getting so bad that he fell a lot and could not walk anymore. My mom nor I was able to pick him up off the ground anymore because now he was no longer able to help us. 

It is never an easy thing to put a parent in a nursing home. It comes with an intense emotional wave of grief and uncertainty. But my aging mother could no longer care for his physical needs and either was I due to my children having been young and due to my serious health issues. So with sad hearts and pangs of guilt we put him in a nursing home. Thankfully the nursing home was a good fit for him. The staff has been good to him these past 3 years.

We haved watched the evil touch of Parkinsions disease steal one thing after another from the boxing champ as one by one issues with bowel, bladder, drooling, swallowing, eating, walking, moving, sleeping and some confusion all set in taking over. 

Now as my 84 year old dad is taking what is likely to be his last nights breaths I sit alone by his side comforted by the sound of his breathing. 

Earlier in the day he stopped breathing for about a minute. There was no heart beat. I put my hand on his chest and bent to his ear to say "Dad it's ok to go be with Jesus now" He suddenly began breathing again. I have painstakingly notice his breathing get labored and slow. He kept moaning and scrunching his face up. I knew that meant that he was in pain, he was jerking and twitching a lot which also means he was agitated. So I asked the nurse for him to have more morphene and some of the anxiety medication the doctor ordered and for him to be moved to his other side. Dad has not been able to talk all day. His eyes have had the death glaze all day but he can still hear us. As soon as the nurse put the morphine and anxiety meds in his IV and got him rolled over he quickly feel into a peaceful sleep with no more pain or jerking. Now he lays here snoring and most likely dreaming like he always does.

27 relatives have been here to see him and some call to check on him.  He is much loved by his 8 kids and 15 grand kids and 16 great grand kids. 

It's been a busy day with loads of much needed visitors. Now here we are alone together in this dark peaceful room as the sound of his breathing comforts me. Once again I bent down to his ear to tell him that I love him. I will always hold dear to my heart the "I laaaa" he said as he tried to say " I love you"