I Am Free!

It's been over a year since I posted on here. Time has went fast!

Parental Alienation Syndrome, as diagnosed by the court appointed child advocate group, caused my kids to be kept from me. But over time my oldest saw the truth and fought her way back to me.

Our relationship is even better now. It's like we were never separated. Our relationship is strong and resides with true unconditional love. What parental alienation syndrome tried to do is brainwash my kids against me and my family, but it backfired and instead made our relationship stronger.

We laugh and laugh. We treat each other with respect and she and I watch out for each other helping one another. She is beautiful and amazing. People often remark how she looks like me and I look like my Mom.

Speaking of my Mom she is loving having my daughter back in our lives as are other family members and friends. It's all so beautiful and from the Lord. Only He could have made this work out so well and I thank Him for that.

Many people don't understand why I don't pray that the one who caused the parental alienation syndrome be cursed and die. But I can't pray that. I don't wanna be hateful like that. I have the right to be very angry, bitter and nasty, but I just can't be. It's just not in my nature I guess. Instead I pray he finds true unconditional love from the Lord, and healing in his dark soul. If he continues to behave mean then it be on his own head and is out of my control. All I can do is pray for him.

I'm enjoying being single. This freedom is great. I'm no longer controlled or emotionally/verbally/mentally/psychologically/financially abused and lied to. I am no longer neglected and treated like I am a burden. I am free! I am no longer being shoved around and choked. I. Am. Free!!!!!!! I am no longer having to fake like all is OK when in reality it wasn't. I am no longer unwanted. I now matter!

It's great being free of all that and being single. Yes I wished that in some way somehow things could have worked out for the sake of the kids but it didn't and now  I am a divorcee and I'm OK with that. I am free! There have been several guys who have wanted to date me and I went out on a date with a few of the guys but never got serious with any of them. I just don't wanna be tied down right now.

I have 4 best friends and 3 of them are guys whom I trust and love as my buddies and they love me as their friend. We have good times together and my daughter likes them too. The one lives to far away now but we at least still get to talk via phone and internet.

More blessings and good changes are coming my way. I know it for sure but I'm not speaking of it just yet ;)
I thank the Lord for my many blessings.

Am I perfect? Well of course not. I've made my share of bad choices and sins but I am still deeply loved and forgiven.

Lost So Much Gained So Much

I have lost so much, so very much has been taken from me. But so very much keeps coming back to me in completely unexpected ways. 

I lost my childhood home and inherited farm along with our many pet chickens and other poultry in 2012. It was very hard on my kids and I. We loved living where we did and loved our poultry all of which had a name.

In 2015 one of my nieces and her 4 children bought the place and have me living with them. And guess what we have? chickens and ducks. What I lost I gained.

In 2013 a few friends fell for the over exaggerated screwy lies and rumors resulting in me losing their friendship. Only a few weeks later I began meeting new friends and rekindling old friendships and have not stopped. Now, finally I have lasting good friends like I had when I was young and not married. They have been a huge blessing to me. I lost a few and gained a ton. Male and female.

In 2014 my divorce was final. Since then I have had dating opportunities here and there. I'm not interested in dating right now because I have post traumatic stress disorder to work on first, but I have had open doors in the dating world even though I'm middle aged and not no small thang. I lost one and gained many more.

Starting in 2013 my own children were thrown into a disturbing battle during the separation and divorce. It's very weird, nutty and evil. Very strange. Too weird to describe. There are two of them and they are in the age range of 12 to 15. Those poor kids. Divorce is never an easy thing on children especially when the child is bombarded with negative things about their parents and or kept from either of their parents. Now I live with my niece and her 4 children. Her grand baby is there a lot as well as other underage relatives whom I get to enjoy often. 

My bike was used, cheapy and kept falling apart. Suddenly out of the blue someone gave me a brand new bike that is just right for me. Lost a used bike and gained a new one.

My Christmas decorations were taken against my will and thrown out in 2013. In 2014 new friends gave me a beautiful little tree complete with lights and decorations. Plus was given a little manger scene. What was taken from me I gained back from others.

2014 my dear Dad died. I am a daddy's girl. No one can replace him. But I do have male friends to ask info from or get help from in the manly stuff I need help with like repairs and so on.

In  late 2013 my laptop, that was given to me for Mother's Day, was kept from me during the separation and divorce. In early 2014 I was given a windows phone and iPad. I lost a lap top but gained much more.

The list goes on and on. I know my down fall was the goal but it didn't work. My Godly parents have prayed for me my entire life and their prayers wasn't about to let evil 100% ruin me like it had tried to. As a child my Dad would get home from working 2nd shift and he would stand over me as I slept and pray for me blessing me. 

My friends have picked me up and dusted me off plenty of times and so has some family members. I have made some strong friendships that I hope to keep forever. My family have been huge blessings to me especially my Mom. 

I have lost so much but gained so much more.

I have cried so much, more then I ever have at any other time in my life but I have also laughed more then any other time in my life and have had some great times. Happiness was trying to be kept from me but instead it came to me in the form of new growing friendships and good times.

Unconditional Friends Lift Me Up

I love the new and renewed friends that keep coming into my life.

I was bumming pretty bad a few days ago when I walked out of an appointment, my friend just happened to be walking outside  across the street when she saw me and yelled for me. I was planning on going home to mope but my dear friend and her always giggling personalility brought me back to life.

This happens alot.

As I ponder on my life I often have wondered why I wasnt good enough to be treated nicely in my marriage? There were good times, it wasnt all bad.

I wasnt perfect either,no one is, but was I so bad that I deserved to be ignored, neglected, choked and yelled at?

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not derserving of such treatment no matter what I may have ever said or did throughout my life. That was not unconditional love.

I am loved by many and Im thankful for that! It is healing to me. I am finally meeting friends who love me no matter what unconditionally with no conditions asked and no strings attached!

I am so greatful for my many friends. I keep meeting more and more and I love them. I see their heart and I think they see mine.

I love the word unconditional. It means that you love someone with no strings attached, you love them no matter what they have said or did. You choose to love them no matter what, that doesnt mean you let them walk all over you but unconditional means "no matter what". Its the love Jesus had/has.

Dogs understand and display unconditional love all the time. It's rather sad that dogs can understand real love better then we humans can. Why cant we grasp it and live by it?

Christian Witchcraft

Christian witchcraft sounds like an odd title doesn't it?

Christianity and witchcraft are nothing alike and clash each other, but for whatever reason the past few years I have been hearing and seeing more and more Christians fall into a mindset that they have special "powers" because they are some kind of special prophet/prophetess. Im not quit sure where this mindset is coming from but it is a disturbing one. Thankfully it isn't too awfully common yet.

I believe that each person is gifted in their own special way. Some sing well, some write, some teach, some preach, some help and then some have the lesser known gifts like dreams, visions and other gifts we falsely call "supernatural".

Whatever gift we have been given it is our unique special gift intertwined with our one of a kind personalities making each and every person a special one of a kind individual. No person's gift is better then another's. We should never use our gifts to try and rule over, control and change others.

This past about 1 1/2 years I have personally been attacked by a few so called Christians who use their "powers" AKA witchcrafts to control others and or impress others with their better-then-yours-gifts. I've  heard/read people say things like "God told me to tell you......." "God doesn't want you to do..."  "God is angry at you and will punish you if you don't
 do what I say...." One even went as far as to say that I should be turned over to satan for not doing what she said, Boy that's really displaying true Godly unconditional love right there(sarcasm). I have been falsely accused and told I am not a Christian if I don't repent of something I didn't do and come clean to the prophetess. She went as far as to harass my kids in the name of giving them council. She lied to me then said it was needed in  order to do God's will. She never bothered to call and talk to me but she sure called and bothered others about me. She insulted and harassed my pastor and some family members even going as far as to argue with one of my underage relatives telling them  all how wrong they are. The lady had not even been around to witness the truth but was taking the word of someone she thought was honest. Obviously her gifts aren't so special if she cant get the facts straight. She was attacking me all while supporting my husband  who was living in sin with the woman he had an affair with when we were still together. That's a special sort of crazy right there,  whew. The woman even went as far as to try and get my friends to stop talking to me and if they didn't God would not bless them. Oy vey, it a strange admixture of witchcraft,legalism and nuttiness hell bent on evil.

I dont understand her or others like her. You'd think that if they are so supremely gifted that they wouldn't be so wrong. If one really knew my situation and saw first hand they would know that the gossip and rumors are lies from hell and they are just pawns in the hands of the demonic world.

I have heard/read where these so called prophets and prophetesses are given spiritual authority over others making themselves be the judge in place of God as they condemn their victim if the victim doesn't fall for their words. They have thrown their so called special gifts around so much that people
tend to eventually shy away from them thinking they are nuts. They have made Christianity out to be a real joke full of hyper critical unloving crazies. It has made me back away from church but I should not have allowed it to. I just can no longer trust it when people give me messages from God telling me what to do and how I should live. God will tell me Himself.

Many, not all, of these so called modern prophets and prophetesses use witchcraft either knowingly or unknowingly to try and tell people how to live and control others. It is spiritual legalism that runs as far from Godly unconditional love as can be. Don't let anyone spiritually control you. Seek God yourself and find what He wants not what some human says He wants. Seek the truth yourself. Act in true unconditional love.

She's Such A Slut!

 She's a nasty slut!

Whenever I hear that about someone I wonder what the supposed "slut's" story is. There's always a story, and normally it's an understandable one. But you can only have any unconditional understanding if you choose to feel, see and hear her story via the eyes, hears and heart of a once hurt now healing soul.

There will always be people who freely choose to get around displaying little self respect or morals. That's just the way it is regardless if it's right or wrong.

But from my experience via meeting and getting to know people of all walks of life most of the ladies society calls sluts are in fact actually very hurting, abused jaded women who haven't been truly loved enough or given opportunities to heal from the inner pain they suffer from.

Many of these women were sexually abused as children only given attention when they got abused. Some were verbally abused and made to feel as low as a worm. Some were raised without a father or raised with bad father's, there for she longs for male attention but gets it in the wrong way. We all know that there are plenty of men who are more then happy to be the one she gets "attention" from.
 Some are codependent, normally stemming from childhood neglect or other forms of abuse, making her desperate to feel loved, wanted, desired and as if she is worthy but sadly her dysfunctional intense need to feel good about herself leads to one abusive relationship after another which further causes more emotional sickness within her hurting soul. It's a Visio is cycle.

Abusive men pick those women out knowing how to use her desperation for their own personal gain.

In attempt to find the right man to take away her pain she goes from one guy to another to another......

Often all she may want is unconditional non sexual human touch, or to be held. The lack of human touch is a huge contributor to her reputation. She needs a hug or pat on the back which, believe it or not, is harder to find then sex is.

So, the next time you find yourself calling someone a slut consider my words or better yet her heart.

Busting Bones - Cancer At Its Finest

I spent the entire day with my friend yesterday at the cancer clinic.

Hurry and wait.

Take this test, and then wait.

Wait for the insurance company to hurry and give a verdict letting you know you can have treatment or not. Or wait for them to deny the must needed pain medication.

My friend has bone cancer. She has tiny tumors INSIDE of her bones growing so big they are literally busting her bones up fracturing them then later on breaking them.

Her pain is unbelievable.

Her misery is heart wrenching.

All cancer is evil, but bone cancer seems to be particularly awful.

Busting, cracking breaking bones.

May she be comforted.

May she be healed.

May The Lord have mercy on her.

"I Laaaaa" Are Some Of The Most Special Words My Heart Will Always Cherrish

"I Laaaaaa" Are Some Of The Most Special Words My Heart Will Always Cherrish

Here I sit at my Dad's deathbed in the middle of the night listening to him snore. He is on the same wing as I was when I was here over a week ago. His nurse reconizes me, she is very kind and compasionate.

I am the youngest child of 8. My dad is old enough to be my grandfather. He and I have been close and we are a lot alike. We both love Jesus and His animals and all His creation. I have many good memories with him as do other family members. He is the type of guy whom is mellow, quiet and calm but with a since oh humor.

 He was a champion boxer in the early 1950s both before and during his life as a soldier in the Korean War. He never lost a fight although he did not win one of those fights. No one could equal my dad's boxing skills but one man. Him and that man went round after round neither one giving up. Finally after a long battle the fight was ended and both my Dad and the other man were declared as both being winners as it was a tie. 

All throughout Dad's life he has been a fighter but this time his battels were outside the ring. Losing his parents were his biggest battle, then in 2001 he lost his beloved and very devoted faithful friend which was a black and white dog named Jiggs. I did not see my Dad cry at his mother's funeral (his dad died before I was born). I suppose that is because she was elderly and ready to go be with Jesus. But when Jiggs died he cried. Him and I were with Jiggs when that very special canine took his last breath. My dad cried and said "I just lost my best friend" 

I am and always have been a daddy's girl. Growing up I knew no other man was as strong or special as my Dad. I was right. I was the unexpected suprise baby. They didn't think they would have anymore  children. Well they were wrong because me, number 8, was made and now here I am the youngest child only a few years older then his grandchildren. 

Beings that my siblings were so much older then me my dad would take his older grand kids with us camping so I would have playmates. We all spent countless hours in the water as we camped. Dad was a very good swimmer and diver back in the day. His fancy summer salts and dives off of the diving board would cause people to gather on the beach to watch. I beamed as I heard them say things like "look at that man dive, it's encreditable!" He was showing up the young punks big time. His 40 and 50ish year old body was no match for those young men for Dad was unstoppable. Despite his age he used a push mower and split wood with just an axe.

At the age of 66 he took a sudden unexpected turn for the worse. That is when his Parkinson's disease was found. That was a differant kind of blow to the head then what he was used to in the boxing ring. Finally and sadly the very strong fighter was entering the ring for another long battle but this time it was the battle that would make him loose. As the years went on he lost more strength and control. At the age of 81 we had to put him in a nursing home because his Parkinson's was getting so bad that he fell a lot and could not walk anymore. My mom nor I was able to pick him up off the ground anymore because now he was no longer able to help us. 

It is never an easy thing to put a parent in a nursing home. It comes with an intense emotional wave of grief and uncertainty. But my aging mother could no longer care for his physical needs and either was I due to my children having been young and due to my serious health issues. So with sad hearts and pangs of guilt we put him in a nursing home. Thankfully the nursing home was a good fit for him. The staff has been good to him these past 3 years.

We haved watched the evil touch of Parkinsions disease steal one thing after another from the boxing champ as one by one issues with bowel, bladder, drooling, swallowing, eating, walking, moving, sleeping and some confusion all set in taking over. 

Now as my 84 year old dad is taking what is likely to be his last nights breaths I sit alone by his side comforted by the sound of his breathing. 

Earlier in the day he stopped breathing for about a minute. There was no heart beat. I put my hand on his chest and bent to his ear to say "Dad it's ok to go be with Jesus now" He suddenly began breathing again. I have painstakingly notice his breathing get labored and slow. He kept moaning and scrunching his face up. I knew that meant that he was in pain, he was jerking and twitching a lot which also means he was agitated. So I asked the nurse for him to have more morphene and some of the anxiety medication the doctor ordered and for him to be moved to his other side. Dad has not been able to talk all day. His eyes have had the death glaze all day but he can still hear us. As soon as the nurse put the morphine and anxiety meds in his IV and got him rolled over he quickly feel into a peaceful sleep with no more pain or jerking. Now he lays here snoring and most likely dreaming like he always does.

27 relatives have been here to see him and some call to check on him.  He is much loved by his 8 kids and 15 grand kids and 16 great grand kids. 

It's been a busy day with loads of much needed visitors. Now here we are alone together in this dark peaceful room as the sound of his breathing comforts me. Once again I bent down to his ear to tell him that I love him. I will always hold dear to my heart the "I laaaa" he said as he tried to say " I love you"

The Hurry And Wait Game With The 3 W'3

My Dad and I.

We are tired but still the 3Ws hover over us. Watching. Waiting. Wondering.

Is his chest gonna rise again?

Is this his last breath?

When will his last breath be?

I wonder if he hears just some or most of what we say?

It is waiting game. A cruel game. But one we can't avoid.

So, here we sit. 

My Mom napping in her wheelchair beside my Dad.

Stepping Into Heaven

So, to live is to die and to die is to live. That about sums it up. From the moment we are conceived our body begins aging non stop. Then we die. Well our body dies anyways but not our souls and spirits where our memories, thoughts and feelings are.
So to die on earth just means our bodies are gone but our spirits/souls live on, but where? Where do our spirits/souls go to live? It most certainly ain't at Walmart or on our cell phones where we put so much value in material things. So once again I ask where do our souls/spirits go when our body dies?
Well that is simple.
What?! You don't think it is simple?
Well I suppose it isn't easy for some by their own choice because they wanna tack all sorts of rules and regulations onto saying absurd things like "well, she is going to Heaven because she did.............." Or " one time he said.........."
Well big deal get over what others say and do and just worry about yourself and stop pointing that finger of blame.
So, is it easy to know where our souls/spirits will be when our bodies give out?
Well duh, Heaven or hell that's where.
What's that? You say that Heaven and hell is an old uneducated old concept? Well then by all means go ahead and feel that way. After all it's your soul and spirit so just let it go and see what happens. Good luck with all that.
Anyways the simple answer to the question of how we get to Heaven is Jesus. So what do we do with Jesus in order to get to Heaven?
Do we live with all sorts of rules like how we should dress, what music do we listen to, what holiday do we part take in................the list goes on.........................and on...............and on. And it's all a bunch of man made rules not Jesus's rules. It's all crap. If you enjoy crap then live like crap.
But what if your crap is wrong? Or what if your scientific believes are wrong?
You have the right to be wrong.
And I have the right to choose where I want my soul/spirit to be and it ain't in hell that's for sure. I'm not into that, suffering is not my idea of joy and fun. Is it yours?
Do you like living life with little hope and loads of guilt? It seems like lots of people like living that way since so many choose to. Well I don't wanna.
So, I grabbed my one way free ticket to Heaven and I ain't letting go! My Ticket doesn't have a departure time on it so I'm not sure when I will go. But when I do go I'm gone and outta here!
WooooHoooooo!
Since Sunday my Dad has been standing in between the two worlds of life on earth living in a body and life living in just our spirits. Soon he will leave his body and take off for his Home. He made his choice many decades ago and he ain't letting go of that beloved Ticket we call Jesus. Is her perfect and has he made all good choices? Nope. And either have you or me but so what because our Ticket never expires.
I sit here by my Dad's deathbed comforted by his breathing. I stayed awake for 38 hours until I started turning forgetful and wore out. Then I slept well, so well at a near by hotel. While at the hotel I could still hear my Dad's breathing all night. I normally tend to "see" special things like that but this time I am hearing the special things even when I'm not at the location of the origin of the sound.
I'm glad.
I love my Dad.
I'm not abandoning him.
I shower, use the bathroom and last night I got to sleep, but other then that I'm not casting him aside.
He is my Dad.
He is stepping into Heaven.

Cultural Respect For The Dying and Deceased Along With The Family Members

After the death of a close loved one I assume it is normal to miss them for the rest of our lives but nevertheless life goes on and we function. But during the process of dying and the beginning grieving period after death it seems to me like it would be disrespectful to both the dying and deceased family member along with their loved ones for someone to purposely and knowingly drum up drama.


I dont know what kind of karma befalls someone who uses an elders dying process and death as a way to purposely drum up yet more drama and trouble with the deceased's family members but I assume it isn't good.


No human is perfect and that includes my recently deceased father. But even though my Dad wasn't perfect he was good and loved his children. Throughout my pre-teen years my Dad would say prayers and blessings over me as I slept. One time I just happened to wake up when he was praying. I held real still pretending to still be asleep. I heard him naming off his children, my mom, his mother, grandchildren, other family members and others,but he especially named off and prayed for his children as he whispered prayers to The Creator God.
I remember laying there feeling so very loved and cherished to be special enough to have a prayer worrior Daddy interceding for me and my siblings.
His prayers were powerful enough when he was alive but now that he is in Heaven and in the presence of God his interceding's for me (and other family members) are very powerful and being heard well.
By the time Dad was born many Native Americans had been abandoning their traditions in order to live the white way in hopes that they and their children would not be hounded and horribly treated. So as a result my Dad's childhood was not full of native traditions but it still had some and was incorporated in with the white culture. Plus his mother was white.
His Dad's side was Cherokee. The Cherokee have been known over the centuries to be one of the more spiritual tribes. Strangely many of the old Cherokee traditions and stories were similar to that of the Jewish culture. There is supposed to be a genetic link between the Cherokees and Jews.
In both the Cherokee and Jewish cultures it was (and still is in some areas) common for the older folks to be revered and treated with respect both before and after death. To purposely and mannishly make trouble during their dying process and during the grieving process for the family of the departed loved one is probably not a good thing in the eyes of the Lord. It does not matter how guilty or innocent the family and its members may or may not be, it still is not a good idea to cause issues.
It was bad enough that in December 2013 someone heartlessly called my ailing Dad and said something along the lines of "your daughter ran off and died." That instantly worried my Dad and broke his heart as he cried. That was not just childish to do to him but was also extremely evil and disrespectful to do to an elder. It is demonic. It is wrong. It is hard to forgive.
May those who truly loved and respected my Dad be blessed. Selah.

Sociopaths and Narcissists Rules For YOU!

http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2012/12/19/do-sociopaths-and-narcissists-have-rules/

Read the article at the above link. Sadly there are likely millions of these evil beings selfishly partaking in this family oriented holiday that is meant to be joyful but used by the paths and narcs to gain what they can gain and look as good as they can look to others.

Nutty Energy Gone Bad In A Divorce

You don't know my name and you don't need to, but nevertheless like you I am a human with good and bad experiences and a person who has made good and bad choices. Big deal right?

That describes everyone on this earth.

My first marriage was a failed one. It started out with some major lies and manipulations but we loved each other and forgave even though the lies were really strange and creepy.

Now 22 years later I am divorced. It has been a messy divorce full of very strange things that boggle the average person's mind. Weird vengeance and out right 100% lies. It makes no since at all. The spying, stalking and obsession creeps people out. People keep telling me to be careful because they fear for my life. I don't let it get to me, Im tired of it, I just go on in life and have plenty of good times. But if all the energy put into the "I will ruin you" mindset was put into working on our marriage we would still be married and the kids would not be suffering so much with their parents being apart.

But what's done is done and sadly the kids get hurt the worse. If you are going through a divorce and your soon to be X spouse is the nutty vengeful type who uses your kids as pawns in a strange psychotic game of control I urge you to go to the police, or CASA or CPS/DCS , counselor or whomever to seek advice and help because kids should never ever be kept from either of their parents.

Let kids be kids and enjoy life without having to hear or read disturbing things that upset them. Let them be children, after all childhood don't last long so why ruin it for your kids?

If you are going through a divorce never use your kids as weapons. It is downright sickening and evil and sadly it happens all to often. Agree to disagree and go on peacefully with your kids having a good relationship with BOTH of their parents.

Be thankful this Thanksgiving for your kids, love them, hug them, squeeze them and name them George (the Bugs Bunny, Daffy and Abdominal Snowman cartoon)

Hiding In White Skin

Most will likely read the bold underlined part of the quote at the bottom of this article as being incorrect because after all there are very few people left in the USA who are 100% Native anymore. But notice that it does not say only those who are only of Native blood will
win the country back.


Something a Native American Elder told me in 2013 was that The Great Spirit Grand Father (God the Creator) gave this land to His red skinned people just He gave other lands to other groups of people. The elder said that it will be those with Native blood in our veins who will be the backbone of the country whose actions will bless many. He said that God did not give this land to the Natives to rip it out of their hands and given to a group of people who were demanding the land for themselves.


To the physical eye it may seem as though the Natives lost and that the wise chief's prediction never came true. But that would be a false assumption. A huge percentage of people in the USA have Native blood flowing within them and they don't even know it. Many do know though. Back in the day if a Native married a white they would put their children's race down on the census records as only white and they gave the children and their selves English names so that they appeared to be "safe" and white. The census taker would not know the difference since those in the household that looked Native just "happened" to be out hunting or working in the fields when the census takers came knocking.


The  government had been forcefully taking the Native kids and putting them into boarding schools not allowing them to speak their Native language or to practice their customs. The Native kids were not treated so nice which was a big reason why their true races were hidden on paper.


And much of white society had come to falsely believe that the Natives were horrible filthy people. That false belief became so common that even many Natives believed it about themselves.


Well, guess what? The Natives are still here in the USA living, working and owning land. But where are they you say? You don't see many Natives off the reservations so where are they? They are here hiding in white skin. Their skin colors may be largely bred out of existence but not their blood!


The DNA of the Natives flow in many millions of people and will not and can not die! Ultimately the Native out smarted the people who were trying to be rid of them.


So the next time you are blessed by someone keep in mind the Chief's prediction that his people will NOT die out, perhaps the person blessing you is of a Native tribe. Perhaps you are Native and don't even know it.......


The next time the EMS worker saves your life remember the wise chief's words because possibly and very likely that person who saved your life or the person who takes care of you in the hospital just might be one of the many descendants of a Native!


And to those who may think you don't have Native DNA you may be wrong. Since the census records were often lied to you can't be 100% sure that you don't have Native in you.


As with many things there have always been the good and bad in all groups of people. We can't put a blanket statement out there. Not all white people were land hungry thiefs. Some were hard working good people. There will always be the good and bad people from every group.


"My heart is a stone: heavy with sadness for my people; cold with the knowledge that no treaty will keep whites out of our lands; hard with the determination to resist as long as I live and breathe. Now we are weak and many of our people are afraid. But hear me: a single twig breaks, but the bundle of twigs is strong. Someday I will embrace our brother tribes and draw them into a bundle and together we will win our country back from the whites."
Tecumseh
(1768-1813) Shawnee Chief

Wise Words From A Chief

"Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about his religion.
Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and of service to your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
or even a stranger, if in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.
When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light,
for your life, for your strength.
Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.
Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools
and robs the spirit of its vision.
When your time comes to die,
be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death,
so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time
to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home."
------
Tecumseh
(1768-1813) Shawnee Chief

Short but True, Powerfully True.

To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpetrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest." ----Flora Jessop

Celebrating His Death

It was one month ago that my Dad took his last breath. But he is in a much better place so we are happy for him. To celebrate his Heavenly homecoming we had DQ ice cream cake. He loved ice cream very much and passed the love of ice cream down to us.


It may seem strange to some that we celebrated the death of our loved one. But just think about it. He was 84 and lived a good life. His parkinson's disease was in its last stage making him miserable and sad. So his death was an escape from the sickness and troubles of this world. The death of his body did not kill him, what it did was to free his spirit to step right smack through Heaven's gate where he is now happy, healthy and enjoying his home (Heaven). He has had one month of being in his spirit's Home and knowing my Dad he is probably eating a big giant bowl of ice cream with Jesus.
I love and miss you Dad but I'm happy for you!

We Are So Differant but So Much Alike but I Love Her 😊 love ❤

I am child #8. My parents are old enough to be my grandparents and some of my siblings are old enough to be my parents. All 7 of my siblings are a lot older then me. Since I was so much younger then my siblings I had my parents to myself. I had a good childhood full of many fun times. My parents were/are good working Christian Americans.


But my mother and I have never been able to get along together real well. We both seem to bring the worse out in each other. I believe that one reason as to why we quarrel is because in some ways we are a lot alike and in other ways we are very different. I am mellow and she is high strung. So needless to say our approach to handling life differs from each other in many ways.


But we still have had many good times with each other. I know her the best out of my 7 siblings because after I got married and my husband went to prison I moved back home. Later on down the road my husband and I gained ownership of the farm house I was raised in. It was nice raising the kids there.


My parents lived next door to us and that was a blessing. My children got to walk across our yard daily to go be with their beloved grandma and grandpa. My parents helped raise our kids. Often times my parents baby sat for free and helped buy stuff the kids needed. My Dad wasn't able to leave home for long due to his Parkinson disease. But my Mom was able to get out and about some. So her and I did fun things with the kids such as going places like the zoo and dollar movies.


My parents loved/love my children very much. My Dad died last month at the age of 84. He wasn't able to take my kids camping and fishing like he did for his older grandkids when they were young. Sadly his Parkinson's disease was too advanced by the time my kids were born. So he would sit out on his porch pushing my kids in their baby swings so I could mow and do other chores. My Mom did a ton for my children. I'm so thankful for good parents and help.


This year my mom had a serious surgery on her spine that went bad. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks and then in a rehab nursing home for about a month or so. For 1 1/2 weeks she has been back home and I have been staying with her to help out until she gains more strength and regains her pre -surgery abilities.  We get along so well and so bad. Sometimes I'm desperate to get out and about to hang with people my own age. But Mom can't be left alone for long so my free time is limited.


Tonight after I put my mom to bed (she has trouble getting into bed ) she was crying and reached out for my hand asking me to pray so I did. She pulled down for a hug. As she held me she deeply cried saying that she is so thankful I've been here and that she couldn't do it on her own. That was a blessing for my heart to hear.


The poor woman had to go through a very painful surgery that didn't go right and during that time my Dad ended up being rushed to the hospital via EMS because as usual he tried standing up without help and he fell banging his head on something sharp. It caused him to have a brain bleed and be unresponsive although he could hear us and would squeez our hands when we asked him too. He was in the hospital dying for 3 days. My Mom was with him every day even in her painful state. Even though she was suffering she wanted to be at my Dad's side. So she did. She was there with him speaking lovingly to him as he took his last breaths.
Mom has always been a very strong willed hard working responsible adult and very independent. But now that she is suffering from the loss of her husband and the loss of much of her abilities she can sometimes get easily overwhelmed and lash out at me verbally. Sometimes I handle it in a mature way but sometimes I dont handle it well and I lash out too. But this past year especially this year she has been seeing and feeling my much of my emotions and worries. It helps bring us closer.
Her words to me tonight is a great gift to keep in my heart. Even though I often feel frustrated at having to take care if her so much I'm glad I am staying with her helping her heal.
So being the baby that lived next door to her in my adult years I have gotten to be with her and know her better then my 7 siblings. I thank God for that.
She is a blessing to me. I'm glad I can be here for her.

24 Years Ago Tonight Led To Happiness That Sadly Lead To Bad

Today is a painful reminder to me of the reality of the human heart, and that reality is that sometimes life goes wrong and people change.


Today 24 years ago I met the man who became my husband for over 21 years.
It started out with some hardships right off the bat with some people angry that I married him. The worse hardship was when he had to go to prison for about 3-4 months after we got married. He was in there for 3 1/2 years. During that time I moved back into my parents house and life went on with an empty void in my heart because I missed my husband.


When he got out of prison he became an over the road semi driver which made it to where we only saw each other about 2-4 days a month. I started feeling resentment that he was in prison for so long then got a job that kept him away from home. Later on that year I got to go with him on his driving job. It was nice seeing various parts of the country. But that isnt a healthy life sitting on one's butt all day and going to bed in a scolding hot humid semi that is falling apart and crappy. Later down the road I went home.


We loved each other, or at least I thought he loved me. Come to find out he didn't love me all that much but he did some. I kept asking for us to get marriage counseling over the years but it never happened. My husbands childhood was very abusive and he needed help. We both needed help. He didn't realize how hurtful his harsh words were and how painful it is to be neglected.


But despite the dysfunction we had good times too. I will always cherish those good memories.


We had two children. I could not work much due to child care costing so much and because of my worsening health from having chronic pancreatitis and brittle double diabetes. So needless to say we had money issues.


We both spouted painful things off a lot which contributed to killing the marriage. I felt so empty and unsupported. It seemed as though I was nothing but a bother to my husband. The love was not being fed. Throughout the past several years I kept praying for God to help us because I could not take any more grouchiness accompanied with other abusive behaviors. Thankfully he only physically abused me 4 times. It was the non physical forms of abuse that hurt the most. I felt that I must be a really bad person since my own husband can't even love me. I felt hopeless and empty, lost and alone, fat and unattractive. We didn't have the money to buy nice clothing, make up and jewelry but even if we did I figured I'd still look bad cause I'm too fat or my nose was too big or whatever. Often I had literally begged him to say something nice about me and the kids to us but it didn't happen so I just survived and cleaned house and did stuff with the kids. The kids were my social life.


Now due to the mistakes, insecurities and unresolved abusive childhood one thing led to another and now here we are divorcing. But the saddest part is the rumors, misunderstandings, slander, lying, revenge and so on. The kids are the ones hurt the most. It's a mess. A bad mess. It's heartbreaking.


So now here I am almost divorced and having to be alone. Am I perfect? No! It takes the actions of both spouses to cause a divorce usually. I am truly sorry for my part in all this. I real am sorry. I pray for my husband every night praying God blesses him with good health and happiness. I wish we could communicate with each other but we can't due do that anymore due to the need for a protective order due to some violence and vengeful acts.


So now here I am a single person. I was with my husband all of my adult years except for my 18th year.


I will always have a love for him in my heart. And I will always miss the good side of him, but the good memories keep getting flushed down the toilet as the new weird vengeful stuff come my way. And I'm no angel either, I said hurtful things as well. It takes two to tango. Sadly it has come to the end of us. Now we are no longer one but two. We aren't good for each other. Apparently we bring each other down and bring the worst out of each other. That isn't good to live with the worst of each other lashing out. So on we go in life separately beginning new lives with new friends. Yes it hurts but life goes on. I hope he has forgiven me for my wrongs. I'm working on forgiving him, it's coming, I will be able to forgive in time. God is helping me with that.


I'm enjoying my new friends. They bless me a lot. I have good times and good laughs with them. I'm looking forward in life. My friends love me for who I am no matter my mistakes in life. Now that is a sign of unconditional love like Jesus has.


If only my kids didn't have to be thrown around in all this mess. It is a sad shame. My husband's dad used parental alienation syndrome on my husband until he was so brainwashed that he didn't even remember that after his mom died that he had her parents and family who deeply loved him. His dad moved around a lot keeping the kids hid. Now my husband is choosing to do the same with our kids for whatever strange reason. Now my kids are the ones who get to suffer the most. And that is the worse of the worse in all this.


Choose to love, but don't allow any form of abuse in your marriage. Get marriage counseling and individual counseling befor it is too late.


Never ever put counseling off or else you could end up like my situation.


Choose unconditional love, loving them and treating them good no matter what they have done, but don't use that as an excuse to stay in an abusive marriage.


So now life goes on.....................

In Our Chest Where Our Soul Resides

Since my Dad is my first close-family-member to die Im experiencing the heart aches that people all around the world go through daily. Loss is not a knew thing for this world, we will all face a loss of someone close to us. But that doesn't mean it's easy to handle.






Some times I go about my normal daily routine as if nothing happened. Then the smallest of things will remind me of my Dad and that pain gathers in my chest where I believe our souls reside in our bodies. The soul is our feeler, our emotions, thoughts are all there. My soul hurts.




Sometimes I go about my day forgetting that he died, then I feel guilty for forgetting. The other day I was talking to someone about my parents and what their generation is like. I actually forgot my Dad was dead as I was talking about him as if he were still alive. Then I remembered that he is gone and that pain seized my soul once again. But I don't let it hold me back. Although when I'm out of the eyesight of others I will often break down and have a good cry as that painful grief attempts to escape.


I have often wondered how long these sudden out of the blue crying sessions will continue to torment my heart, soul and mind. People have told me that even 20 years after their loved ones death their heart, soul and mind still longs for their loved one, but the severity and intensity of it lessons.


I will go on. I will hurt. I will continue to love. But I will not let it destroy me.

Do You Love Them?

Dont trust what someone says about another person unless you know it to be true and even then you have no room to be slamming on others. People lie or they misunderstand a person or they go along with the gossip. Perhaps we should grow up and look at our own imperfections and stop looking at the wrongs or assumed wrongs of others.


Some people get judged unfairly because their family is poor or has a criminal amongst one of them. Some people get judged because the victim is thought to be lacking in knowledge or has a bad past.


Who cares if a person was a bad person who did this or that. Give a person another chance without downing on them. That doesn't mean you have to trust them or let them hurt eyou, it just means that you are not a gossip partaker that seems to forget your own sins and mistakes.


This year I have met and gotten to know a lot of new people in my life and it bothers me how many of them have been so wronged and misunderstood just because they are different or whatever.


So get off your butt and love people UNCONDITIONALLY.


It isn't always easy and it doesn't mean you have to let them take advantage of you. It just means that you can treat them well WITHOUT the conditions. You know what I mean by conditions. Many people will only be nice to another person if the person has done this or that perceived good thing. Who cares what they have or have not done! They are still humans with one life to live just like you.


To love, truly love, others we don't tack on exceptions and rules. To love others is to see into their heart seeing the good in there that God gifted them with. To truly love others does not mean we have to be harmed by them or hang out around them. It just means that you can be adult enough to treat all people with respect without the conditions, just like Jesus did/does.