BJ_BOBBI_JO

2011 the year of learning

2011-12-25T22:42:00.000-08:00

(pictures: me in the hospital in June 2011. Next picture: me in one of my civil war re-enacting regalia. This is my native american version of the re-enacting attire August 2011. Next picture: me with my newly pinked hair October 2011.)

2011 has been a year of much learning and growing in faith for me. The health troubles with my dad on to my own health issues has been a biggie. I was put in the hospital back in June for my chornic pancreatitis. I was not allowed to eat or drink that way my pancreas could rest. I was on IV for fluids and on TPN for nutrition. Nothing by mouth. It helped. They also increased by daily enzyme pills which helpes a ton.

This was our 1st year to do the civil war re-enacting. We love it and will continue to do it. Ill talk more about that in another post. But Ive meant a lot of neat ppl and learned a lot.

This year I turned 40. Ive always had a fairly conservitive look. Well I got sick of it. I wanted some bling bling to my looks without having to me immodest. I had never colored my hair other then trying a shampoo coloring that washes out. Ive always wanted some lavender purple in my hair and decided that once the re-enacting season was over Id do it. So I did. My oldest sister did it for me. I didnt want the entire head to be colored just strips. She bleached several strips then put the color in. It started out with some purple coloring but mostly turned pink. Im ok with that. Ill have to dye it my normal color when the 2012 re-enacting season starts up. I like being different.

This year has been one of the best and hardest at the same time.

There are some evil people out there in this world. People who wont hesitate to cause others harm for whatever twisted reason. They tried. They tried hard. Their lies and made up delusional accusations got them nowhere. They had hoped to destory my family ruining life for us. I dont know why. I tend to get along with everyone and dont have any enemys that I know of. But yet someone saw fit to make us their enemy. I tried to think of how I might have affended them but am at a loss. I mean I know Im not perfect so maybe I said something that ticked them off. But it coudnt have been so bad that they'd go to such great lengths to try and destroy my family.

Well they failed. Their actions brought us much grief and trouble and it spawned off wild rumors. But it quickly got turned into a blessing to where me and my family started recieving help and needed gifts from people. It is like God has turned on the gift giving machine and downloaded into people's minds to come help us and give us gifts we needed and to get us by and encourage us. If only I could explain it all! You'd surely be blessed to know how God has been helping us.

The person's actions/words caused my kids mental and emotional anguish for weeks/months too and it still does sometimes. But now they see the way God has come to our protection and has been sending us tons of help and relief. The kids see all this and are learning to have more trust and faith in God.

Those blessings have been what has been keeping me from just dropping off the face of the earth in a deep dispair and situational depression. I could have let the enemy win and gave up. I could have wallered in unforgiveness and bitterness. I wanted to be vengeful but knew better. Instead I prayed God would help the person find happiness in their life. As the person continued to cause trouble I got flusstered and prayed God would punish them but still make them learn and be saved anyways. You just dont mess with one of God's kids you see.

I now tend to 2nd guess people and their intentions and thoughts. I dont know who can be trusted outside of my family anymore. I keep the curtains closed at night time now. Are my kids safe? Will they try and harm our kids and animals? I dont know. But I do know that God has my back. He has brought us through this horrid nightmare in an amazing way. Truely amazing! Thank You Lord! I love You!

And life still goes on.

And on.

Christmas eve and day was fun and nice. So was the annual Christmas eve eve all nighter. Lots of fun! Much needed fun!

I have learned this year:

-to watch my health better.

-about civil war and other history.

-that there are truely awful evil lying people out there.

-that my extended family really does love me and help me.

-to have more faith and trust in God.

-that I bounce back.

I have much to be thankful for.

Rocky Rucker in 2011

2011-12-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

Dad has had a hard time this year. Early in the year he became very weak and ended up in the hospital. It turned out his heart tends to beat to slow and he gets low blood oxygen. He was also dehydrated. They put him in the hospital for about a week. We thought he was going to die. The doctors wanted to put in a pacemaker to help his heart beat in a regular patterns but dad refused and said he is ready to go to Heaven if it is time.

(pictures: Dad at the temp nursing home early 2011 with my kids visiting. Other picture: mom and dad both in the ER July 2011. He was out of it due to his low blood oxygen and hearbeat. And other picture: is dad and my brother at the current nursing home late/summer 2011)

Well he didnt go to Heaven yet. He got rehydrated and had a medication change and got better although he did need to stay in a nursing home tempoary until he could regain his strength.

He came home 2 months later.

He kept falling and could not stand on his own very well anymore. He needed 24/7 total care.

It was killing my elderly mom physcially. She never got much sleep at all. I was working full time and doing what I could to help. Home health care was only allowed to come out 1-2 times a week for an hour each time which doesnt do much good. Gee, thank you insurance company!

My dad's repeated falls and mom and I always having to lift him in and out of the chair caused my mom to reinjure an old hamstring injury. One night when he once again got up on his own he fell and she hurt herself trying to get him up. They both ended up in the ER that night.

Dad was back to being almost lifeless due to a low heartbeat and lack of enough blood oxygen. The EMS guys helped us pick him up off the floor. We got dad back into bed, I told them his lips are blue and he is not acting right and how he has a history of low heartbeat and low blood oxygen. They double checked him out and decided to take him in for sure along with my mom.

So both parents were in the ER. And both got admitted. Mom got out in a few days. Dad was in for about a week. Since he was out of it when he got there it caused him to have a memory lapse and he was mentally confused. He wasnt sure just how he got to the hospital and what he was doing there. But after about 3-4 days of receiving oxygen he got his mind back.

It was very apparent that he could not go back home due to his major 24/7 needs and because taking care of him was killing my mom. I, nor anyone can no longer lift him on his own or stay up with him 24/7. His health was suffering because of it all so we decided to put him in a nursing home forever this time. His worse fear come true :(
But it was the only choice.

The hospital helped us find a local nursing home that will take his case. That was back in July 2011. The nursing home is good to him and he has a good roommate.

We had him home for Thansgiving, Christmas eve and Christmas day along with another time befor that.

He would rather be home but knows he cant be. It hurts seeing him in there. It sometimes kills me emotionally. It seems so unfair that a man who has been a good father, faithful husband and hardworking man has to spend his last days on earth like this. It just isnt fair. Ill never understand why he gets this fate while some others his age have backgrounds of repeated spousal cheating, didnt take care of their kids, dont pay their bills but yet they are healthy and active still. It makes no since and just isnt fair.

My kids cried thinking he wasnt going to be home for Christmas with them but they were so happy when they knew we were bringing him home for the holidays.

He is a much loved man :)

Civil war and abolitionist ponderings.

2010-12-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

So was General Robert E Lee a racist? In doing research for our upcoming 2011 civil war reenacting I find very conflicting "proofs" to support both sides of the coin when it comes to Lee. Many of the southerners often take portions of a letter Lee wrote out of context to prove he was against slavery. But yet he owned slaves and was quoted as thinking the abolitionist were wrong in their fight for freedom of all people. Lee supposedly thought it was God's will that black people be slaves at that time. But no matter what it would appear that despite his owning slaves he still had a noble character and his good points.

Some northers do the same thing to Honest Abe trying to prove he was not a racist. Everyone seems to not be able to see the truth but instead defends their side with skewed facts taken out of context and misinterpreted. Abe wanted to ship all black people back to Africa. Some places quote him as saying that he felt whites were better then blacks instead of equal. I don't know if that was in or out of context. But it would also appear that he too had many fine points like Lee despite his possible racist feelings.

I guess it goes to show there will always be the good and bad in every person.

It would appear that both Abe and Lee were a bit racist but not to the point of being hateful closed minded bigots that we see most salve owners and or racist as being.

Take into account that this is my conclusions from what I have read and should anyone take issues with it I admit that I could be in error.

I will never understand why many of the southerners praise and about worship a man who owned slaves (Lee) and thought God wanted them to be salves despite the fact that he freed them. Owning another human, no matter what, is wrong.

And I will never understand why many of the northerners about worship Abe when he too appeared to have negative thoughts about black people for daring to be born black.

If people on BOTH sides had simply just stopped being evil and owning slaves and stopped fighting over control of things then that blood bath of a war would not have happened. Selfishness, greed, violence and evil on BOTH sides caused that war not just slavery. Back then a woman would sometimes lose her father, brothers, nephews, husband and sons all to the war leaving her and her remaining children and female family members destitute. A woman couldn't just simply go out and find a living back then. They didn't have food stamps and medicaid or rental assistance back then for widowed and or single mothers. Many young boys were allowed in the war and died. People on both sides suffered terribly with their arms or legs being sawed off due to gangrene from the gun shot wounds.

I do not buy into the commonly used phrase of "well it was just how it was back then they were men of their time". If I were to fall for that excuse then I could go out and get abortions, sleep around and have 1-3 failed marriages and just say "well it is the way things are done nowadays". There is such a thing as common since and respect for people. Wrong is wrong and right is right and we can all make a right choice no matter what our culture is at the time.

But nevertheless whatever the causes of the civil war were slavery was still one of the causes. I am glad to be the descendant of abolitionist. I have the blood of abolitionist Quakers running deep with in me. Abolitionist were people who fought for the freedom of slaves and all people.

I may be distantly related to Lee but I find no "specialness" in that but I do find it special to be a descendant of abolitionist freedom fighters. Those abolitionist fought against slavery and fought for the freedom of religion too. We may not have as much freedom as we do now if it were not for many abolitionist.

Black and White Prayers in Jamaica 2010

2010-01-11T19:33:00.000-08:00

I went back to Jamaica on another missions trip. Got home on January 4,2010. Things turned out well, everyone in the group interacted well, our Jamaican hosts were wonderful, we got a lot accomplished and I wanna go back.

I wanted to share something that is very meaningful to me. It's about something that happened to me while I was in Jamaica on the missions trip last week. Here it is:

When I get bladder infections they come upon me with a vengeance very fast with no warning. I get real sick and miserable. I need immediate medical help when I get them. Herbs don't help heal them in me. It was the day before we was to fly back to America. I knew the flight home would be nearly impossible because of the bladder infection. I didn't have enough money left to go to a doctor there in Jamaica or a way to get to one. So getting medical care was not possible.

I told the Jamaican pastors wife and then asked the Jamaican pastor himself for prayer that the infection goes away. He put his hand on mine and together he and his wife pray out loud along with my niece who puts her hand on my back. I opened my eyes and looked at my hand under the pastors and saw something that God surely sees as beautiful which was a very dark skinned hand holding onto a very white skinned hand and praying. Race did not matter, skin color was no big deal. God surely must see the many colors of people interacting as beautiful since He made them all. Two extremes of colors grasping hands in prayer.

It struck me that the descendant of slaves who were horribly beaten, raped and abused was covering the hand and praying for the descendant of someone who enslaved his people.

I was healed.

The Terroist.........They Need To Know.

2009-09-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2009.

8 years ago right now at this moment our fellow human beings were having to choose between burning to death at the top of the trade towers or to jump to their death because there was no way to get down the stair wells due to the air plane blocking the way.

8 years ago right now humans body parts were blowen all over the place as people were running in terror.

8 years ago today an airplane full of people knew they were gonna die but they still got brave and took over the terroist so they could not crash the plane in a large city thus killing 1000s.

8 years ago today people had chunks of broken building land on them up in the towers and pin them down while the fire slowly consumed them.
Our country has foprgotten so much. Yes life does go on but why do we as a country forget so much as if it never happened?

8 years ago today islamic cultures all over the world, including some (not all) in America celebrated the traggic 9-11 events. They literally danced in the streets in a section in Chicago and certain other areas around the country. They took delight and joy in the fact that 1000s were killed and dying. They spread rumors and told all their islamic folks that this was an attack by Jews and that no Jews were killed that day because they all called in sick because they knew of the attacks. They made up rumor after rumor saying this was the work of Jews and Christians.

And then the world dares to be angry at America for defending herself against a vial evil hell bound sect of a religion that promotes and teaches violence and torture such has slowly cutting the arms, hands and heads off those who leave islam to become Christias or other religions. America went to defend herself against a sect of a religion who cuts the breast off the Non-islamic new mothers so that they slowly bleed to death while listening to their newborns cry out in hunger. Yes I realize that not all islamic people would support such awful evilness, I know of some kind non violent muslim people. But sadly their religion and culture is over run by evil, violent, sick minded, hell bound souless creatures who set fires to fields full of children who are hiding from them because they killed the childrens parents for not choosing to become muslims. The children then get to burn to death just because they are the children of non-islamic parents who refuse to be forced into becoming muslims.

People dont believe such awful stories and choose to try and reason it away as rumor. Here in America we dont see those awful actions but in many other places all over the world they do. Of course not all islamic cultures behave that way.

Some people say that America has made the terroist do what they do but that isnt true. Those terroist have been doing this stuff for many years, years before America even exsisted. Read their religious books and find out how they teach to cut off the hands of those who leave the islamic religion. It is hidden in their so called holy writings amongst the so called good peaceful stuff.

1000s of people from all races, all religions and from many different countries died horrible deaths that day on September 11, 2009.
And sadly it probably isnt the last time something awful like that will happen. America is saw as the great evil because we are rich and powerful and because we are friends with Isreal. The sects of islam that are of a terroist mind set hate the Jews and teach lies and violence against the Jews and anyone who is friends with them. One of the last rumors a young muslim man told me was that most all Americans and Jews kidnap and kill muslim babies and drink their blood. This young man also said that Americans regulary have sex with animals and that we go around torturing islamic people. This is the typical beliefs in certain, not all, islamic cultures in some other countries. That young man truly believes those lies and so did most of the islamic people in his culture. Their religious leaders have taught them those lies from birth.

So it is no wonder many of them think we westerners and non-muslims are evil and need to be killed off. They have been stuck in a mind set of evil brain washing and rumors all of their lives. Many of them have choosen to not act on the violence or to not believe such lies but many do believe it and act upon it.

What can stop them?

Im certainly not against awar to protect ourselves but unfortunally there are a ton more terroist to replace the ones we kill. This is a mind set and group of people who think they must kill us in order for their souls to possibly reach heaven. No war will prevent that mind set, the terroist will keep being breed and sent out.

So if war cant 100% stop them for long then what can? If we kill off their religious leaders who teach them lies then more will come to take their place to continue the brainwashing and lies.

How to stop them?

We as meer humans cant 100% stop them. But I know of a way to stop many of them from choosing to become vial evil violent beast. And that is to lead them to Jesus. Not force them to Jesus. But to gently lovenly teach them about Jesus and how they dont need to kill non-muslims in order to secure a spot in heaven. They need to know that God loves them too and can forgive them of all their sins just like He wants to do for everyone.

They need to know that true peace and love is not torturing people and forcing them to say they are islamic. They need to know the deep inner peace and strength they can receive from Jesus.

They need to know they can have hope and let go of that anger that has been put into them all of their lives.

They need to know the freedom their souls can have in Jesus.

But it can not be forced on them.

But they need to know............

Do we really need it?

2009-09-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

Do we really need it?

Is it really worth it?

Is it really necessary to spend all that extra money on?

Sometimes the answer is yes. But a great deal of the time it is no.

I don't think it it wrong for us to enjoy the fruits of our hard earned paycheck. Not in the least bit. We all need a vacation, new clothes, new items and stuff like that from time to time. Those are blessings to enjoy, cherish and be thankful for. But do we really need quit as much as we think we do?

Why is it more important to have new everything all the time when there are so many who go without just the simple things in life like decent shoes and winter coats?

Do we really need new carpet and wall paint every few years, is it totally necessary in order to be happy and live?

Is it totally necessary to have to have the best all the time when there are tons of people living without even the basics such as food, clean water and access to education?

I don't think it is necessary for us to have to have the best and nicest all the time. Yes sometimes it is a nice treat but I don't think we need it all the time. We can live without bigger and better 24/7.

Perhaps we can stop spending so much money on useless junk all the time and spend a bit more on the the needy in either our own community or elsewhere. I think of groups like Feed The Children and wish I could send them more money to help feed those kids. Or the local food banks, they are still having trouble keeping their shelves stocked to feed all the needy laid off jobless people right now so maybe we can donate a few canned goods to them.

And if you don't have the money to help others then do it in other ways such as inviting someone over for a meal, helping with missions fund raisers, giving/donating items instead of money, volunteering, checking up on the elderly, feeding a starving animal, playing games with lonely kids and adults, donating your already read books to others or places.

Take the time for someone else other then just those in your circle of friends.

Don't get caught in the mind set of "well they got themselves in that situation so they gotta get themselves out". Yes it may be true that their own personal choices were bad ones and possibly they repeat those same dumb choices but we can still show them some mercy without enabling them.

Perhaps giving a person what they need in order to help themselves might be a good idea for many of the needy. Such as giving them a year bus pass so they can get to and from work on time since they don't have their own car. That way they can get to their job to make their own money to support themselves. Some people just need a little extra helping hand like that in order to help themselves. They don't need tons of money just a little extra help so they can help themselves.

Before throwing something away think "who might want this or could use it?"

Instead of wasting food take small proportions and if you want more after eating that then get more instead of heaping giant servings on your plate the 1st time and then wasting most of it cause you cant eat it. Be grateful for all the food you have and realize you are blessed to have it because many others around the world are not so lucky. They would love to have your wasted food.

Is it so bad wearing used items?

Is it so bad driving older cars?

Is it so bad living with used/older/not so fancy stuff?

Will it kill us to live with a little less in order to help others just a little more?

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 10. Going HOME!

2009-03-04T20:03:00.000-08:00

Last week my mom was told my dad could not come home because the doctor was not sure how well my mom could care for my dad during the times he is extra weak and sick. I could see the logic in that since I have been at the nursing home during those times. But my cousin Brenda, who happens to be a nurse at the nursing home, spoke to the doctor and nursing home about how I live right next door to my parents and how I have worked in a nursing home before and will be there for them. That seemed to help because now this week he is home!

The early part of Monday we thought he wasn't going to get to come home or at least not until he could regain strength if possible. But all that changed by Monday late afternoon. With my cousins help and my moms pushing he got to come home. I cant leave God out of it because my mom said the process of getting him discharged went to unexpectedly well and fast and so did the fast service of the medical supply company that brought out the O2 tank and other medical supplies and got them set up. Mom says it is a God thing.

A time line:
MONDAY 1st half of day:
-typical day at the nursing home. Had no idea he was going to be coming home the next day. They got Dad to do rehab even tho he had been refusing and giving up last week a lot.

MONDAY late afternoon:
-While dad was doing rehab my mom gets the phone handed to her to talk with the medical supply people to order the stuff dad needs at home.
-we get asked what would be a good time for dad to be discharged the next day.

MONDAY night:
After having asking several people in the family to help me hurry and move some furniture and do some cleaning at my parents house so that they could bring the medical equipment I got no help. It was a last minute surprise so most people were not able to help which I understand and respect and a few just plain don't care and did not bother to come help. Others had real and understandable medical reasons as to why they could not help do hard physical work. So while my mom and her lady friends had their Bible study I moved the heavy stuff around but needed my cousin Candy ,who was there for the Bible study, to help me for 1 real heavy thing. I kept praying for strength and God did that for me.

I got a place made for the hospital bed, O2 tank and other stuff in their living room.

TUESDAY:
The big day!
They medical supply place delivered the stuff and gets it set up. I take the kids to home school co-op. When I got to the nursing home that afternoon dad was in bed like always and mom had his stuff packed up and waiting on a cart to load up. They were both waiting to be discharged. I was in a hurry and excited so I loaded the stuff up and started making commits about me driving their van up to the door and getting it warm for him. So the last paper work was done and dad was being wheeled out the door to the van. He suddenly went from no energy and haggard to surprising the nurses aide by quickly standing up out of his wheelchair to literally rush into the van as if he had to get in and leave now otherwise he might have to stay. LOL. I was sure to thank my favorite nurses aide there which is a young man named Billy Joe, my dad seemed to take a liking to him and so did I and some other people in my family. He was funny, nice, strong and good with the people. It was good for my dad to have a male around helping him out.

He came home and went to bed but 1st mom wheeled him around to check things out since he had not been home in over 2 months.

My mom had to sleep on the floor on a mattress beside his hospital bed last night so she could hear him if he tried getting up on his own and falling. We will have to do something about that. But anyways he woke her up 6 times last night saying things like: "hey! hey where are you!?" so she did not get much sleep but I think after he gets back into the grove of home life again it will get better.

WEDNESDAY:
He was in bed most of the time which is no big surprise but he done well, ate well, walked with help well and was not much of an issue. He is happy and relieved to be home. He said recently several times that he knows he is dying and that he just wants to be home. He is not directly on his death bed at this time. He does have some time left but I fear it is not long. Sadly I don't think he will be here at this time next year. Pneumonia will kill him probably. So I want to be with him as much as I can. I plan on doing some of the homeschooling of my kids at my parents house but not all the time.

It is good to have him home. I hope and pray people still come visit him often like they did in the nursing home.

He has his right mind and he knew what he wanted and he knew he wanted to be home. Others may not understand why someone who needs so much care should be at home but when you love someone and you have the ability to give them some peace, comfort and happiness in their last days on this earth then why not do it if possible even if it is hard to do?

Why is it so hard for people to give up their lazy selfish desires to help someone be comfortable and happy during their end days?

Hopefully he wont get so bad that it becomes impossible to care for him at home but if it does then so be it he might have to go back to the nursing home but I hope and pray that time does not come. I pray God works it out to where my dad can leave this world at home where he wants to be with his loved ones around him when the time comes.

As dad was going home I could not help but to think of the Montley Crew song called "Home Sweet Home" that is currently playing on my blog. That is the song I want played at my funeral some day. But yesterday it was befitting for my dad because he was going home sweet home like he had been wanting to do so badly. "home sweet home... I'm on my way. just set me free. Home sweet home "

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 9 going home, not going home, set backs going home? Husky, Cherokee and family.

2009-02-27T21:01:00.000-08:00

Rocky was to go home on a Wednesday several weeks ago. He was excited. He was doing well and getting from a sitting position to a standing one by himself and walking with help.

The Sunday before he was to be discharged from the nursing home I noticed him coughing and it made me think of pneumonia. The next day on Monday he suddenly spiked a fever and they took x-rays and found a new case of pneumonia and this time it was in the left lung.

He and us all were very disappointed because that means he could not be discharged. He had the fever off and on for most of that week.

He is now not doing so well at rehab. He just doesn't want to mess with it. He just wants to come home. He realizes that it will probably be pneumonia that will kill him and he just wants to die at home in his own bed some day when it is his time. He makes mention that he wants to come home often. So my mom is working it out to where hopefully he will get to come home soon.

I realize that since I live next door to them that my dad coming back home will be a hard job on me because I will have to be the one doing most of the care other then my mom. I know it will be hard on me because of my own health issues and because I am now homeschooling the kids. But it is something I am willing to do and some of my siblings would be willing to come relieve me and my mom sometimes.

I don't know the future so I don't know how this will be. I figure if his care becomes to much that he will have to go back into the nursing home permanently. I feel he should just do a trial period for 1-2 nights at home before he is permanently discharged from the nursing home. I don't know what is going to happen.

I'm tired. Keep on keeping on.

Rocky's siblings and some of their offspring have been real faithful about coming to see him. It is nice getting to be around them. My uncle has some health issues right now and might be facing serious surgery so I worry about that. I enjoyed talking with my aunt. She was retelling me of our Cherokee family connections. Sadly my deceased great-aunt made sure the Cherokee proof was hidden away from the family because she was ashamed to be a half Cherokee hillbilly and not fully white. It is sad that now we cant have that precious paper proof and we cant know the interesting rich Cherokee history and stories our family has because of her racism and self loathing. There is certainly nothing wrong with being a hillbilly or a Cherokee. My aunt was upset about it too and wished my great-aunt would not have behaved like that.

Someone gave us a free pure bred blue eyed husky several weeks ago and his name just so happens to be Rocky. He is 13 months old. When I found out about him I had planned on hopefully naming him Rocky so it was a cool suprise when I found out his name was already Rocky.

I need prayer I have lots to do to get things back in order. I mean a lot, it is over whelming and I am weak.

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 8 dying, no hope, hope, moving, good and bad days.

2009-02-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY---JANUARY 30, 2009
Dad was still in the CCU. He was sick of being sick and weak. He said "I'm gonna die". He also said to just throw him in the old folks home to die. He was losing hope and not seeing any improvements at all. He needed total care and could barely even talk. My mom and kids and I stayed most of the 11 hours we were away from home with my dad. We left the hospital for a while to go do some stuff. My brothers Kelly and Robin got there to visit with and help take care of dad.
After we got back to the hospital dad got moved out of the CCU and into the normal part of the hospital. He was lucky and got a room with only 1 bed and his own bathroom. That seemed to perk him up and helped him regain enough strength to walk a few steps from the chair to his bed. We all talked to him about our hopes of him coming home soon and how we would take care of him and so on. He started getting a bit more hope then.

SATURDAY---JANUARY 31,2009
Dad suddenly got discharged back to the nursing home to his over crowded room. Depression and despair once again.
The 1st thing dad said to me when I got to the nursing home was " I wanna go home". He said it while looking me in the eyes as if pleading. It was heart breaking.
We had told him that in order for him to come home he needed to regain enough strength to at least be able to stand himself up from a sitting position because my mom is not strong enough to lift him out of his bed and into the wheelchair.
Back to the nursing home meant despair for him.

SUNDAY---FEB 1, 2009
He looked bad. Seemed so bad. So weak. He was kind of despondent. Just blah.

MONDAY---Feb 2, 2009
More despair, slept a lot. As the day went on he got some better tho which is normal for him since he is a night owl. Refused rehab.

TUESDAY---FEB 3, 2009 and WEDNESDAY---FEB 4, 2009
Goody days! He was able to talk better, walk some, do rehab, eat better, sit up to watch TV and enjoy visits. His roommate went home on Wed which made the room less crowded. His roommate was a real nice man but being crammed into 1 room with 2 beds, 2 wheelchairs, 2 walkers, 1 potty chair, 1 chair, 1 O2 tank, 2 TV's each on a stand, 2 bed side tables, 2 dressers is VERY crowded and unsettling. So to get some space and privacy back was nice for both dad and us.

THURSDAY---FEB 5,2009
Bad day.He was back to being weak, sleeping a lot and unable to do anything as if he was on his death bed again. We were told that this is the nature of Parkinson's in its advanced stages. Good and bad days. The bad days are so hard because he requires total and complete care and that is not always easy because he is a tall, big built man.
Some of his siblings and nieces came to visit that day.

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 7 family gathering and snow drifts.

2009-01-29T19:53:00.000-08:00

When I went back up to see dad last night he was weaker then he was on Tuesday. But he was still better then he was over the weekend when he gave us all a real scare.

I did not make it in to see him today. My out of state brother Kelly is now here and I knew he and others were going to go see dad and that is a good thing. I knew dad would have plenty of visitors and I was so very wore out and tired so I slept most of the day while the kids were at school.

Since my out of state brother and sister are both here some of us gathered at my sister Chris place and enjoyed visiting. That was nice. I like being with that side of the family and wish it could happen more often. They are a fun bunch.

The wind is blowing and the roads are drifting. We had a bit of a hard time getting up our long drive way tonight. There is already a 2 hour school delay for tomorrow. I guess we might get a few more inches of snow someone said so that with this wind might cancel school tomorrow.

I kind of feel guilty because I did not get up to see dad but yet I got out and about. My mom said he is not eating as well as before but he is still doing better then he was. She tried going to see him and saw the snow drifts and got worried and came home she said. But she talked to the nurses on the phone about him. He is still in CCU and I'm kind of glad because that means he gets better and more care then he would if he was in the regular part of the hospital.

Someone said that today dads Parkinson's tremors were not very bad. I have been noticing that. I hope my brother Gary or Duane can get our drive way plowed out tomorrow so we can go see dad. My parents have a house back the same long drive way as we do so both her and us are stuck back this drive way. My husband has 4 wheel drive but will be taking it to work which just leaves us all with moms mini van which will not make it through those drifts. I don't think dad would like it if mom had to stay away from the hospital for more then 1 day although he would be understanding of it. Him and mom keep talking mushy to each other. I suppose she needs to get to the hospital so they can speak mushy to each other. Ewww, it is so sweet and so yucky at the same time. LOL. Old people speaking mushy. I guess that is good after so many years of marriage they can do that. Because of his Parkinson's his speaking mostly consist of 1-3 words sentences and it is a struggle sometime to understand him but his mind is still sharp.

Oh, come Angel Band Come.

2009-01-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

Below is the words to a song someone just recently sent me since they know I have been going through a lot and worried about dad.
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My latest sun is sinking fast,
My race is nearly run
My strongest trials now are past,
My triumph has begun.

Oh, come Angel Band Come and around me stand
Oh, bear me away on your snow white wings
To my immortal home

Oh, bear me away on your snow white wings
To my immortal home.

Oh, bear my longing heart to him
Who bled and died for me
Whose blood now cleanses from all sin
And gives me victory.

Oh, come Angel Band Come and around me stand
Oh, bear me away on your snow white wings
To my immortal home

Oh, bear me away on your snow white wings
To my immortal home...

I know I'm nearing the hold ranks of friends and kindred dear.
For I brush the dews on Jordan's bank, the crossing must be near.

I've almost gained my heavenly home, My spirit loundly sings;

Thy holy ones, behold, they come! I hear the noise of wings.
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Author unknown.

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 6 wide awake, alert and sharp minded.

2009-01-27T18:23:00.000-08:00

Today dad decided to surprise everyone by being wide awake and alert and very sharp minded. I got there around 12ish. He was awake and laying there looking around.

He told us about how Gary, Lisa and the preacher had all been there to see him that morning. Later on Gene and Rod came in.

My sister Laura came to see him and she brought Dorothy and little Dorothy. It is nice to see so many people coming to see dad. I think it helps encourage him. Dad's eyes sparked up when he saw Laura. She lives out of state so he don't see her often but he does love her as with all his kids.

Mom and I rode together and we had to leave to get my kids from the school bus. I was kind of glad we were leaving because I wanted for Laura to have more time with dad so they could talk without us being in the way. Dad said he had a good visit with her and I'm so glad. I knew they would.

My brother Kelly lives out of state and is stuck in a snow storm down south so did not make it in tonight as expected but when he gets in tomorrow my dad will also be happy to see him. It is nice getting to see family. I talked with my brother Robin tonight on the phone and we all will meet at his house tomorrow to visit and pig out. I like doing that kind of stuff. I have always kind of felt left out of my 7 siblings lives because they are all so much older then me. That is just the way it goes. They are all good people and fun too.

It looks like tomorrow dad will be moved out of CCU and into the regular part of the hospital which means he is not as sever anymore. The C-deff is the main issue right now. He said today he was feeling a bit better.

My kids and mom and I went back up to see him tonight and my mom and him were talking mushy. I jokingly told them to stop that mushy junk. They told each other that they loved each other and other mushy stuff which is out of my dads character but perhaps he is starting to get more comfortable with mushy stuff.

My kids sang "Jesus take the wheel" to him. When we left he was settling down to watch CBS waiting for NCIS to come on. He was wide eyed and very awake.

Good days and bad days I guess. But todays good day gives me a bit more hope. Hope is cool hey?

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 5 and wide awake conversations , my break down, pregnant hospital water, and surprise visitor.

2009-01-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

As almost always again dad was alert and awake late this afternoon and evening. He is like a different person in the evenings. In the day time he appears to be on his death bed and in the evenings he doesn't. In fact I think most everyone is thinking dad is going to die at any moment because of the way he sleeps and looks so horrible all day long and most people go see him in the day time. So no wonder they think he is about to depart this world. I keep telling others to come see him in the evenings when he is alert and awake.

What surprised me tonight was that he was awake for over 3 hours and possibly longer. He was awake from 4pm to almost 8Pm when I left. I don't know how long he stayed awake after I left.

My cousin Sandra made me a real nice scrap book of tons of family information and some of it was pictures and old newspaper articles of dad's boxing days. I took that to the hospital and read the boxing articles to him. He remembered the other boxers and the boxing matches I read about and would try and talk about them.

One article had a certain fact wrong and as I was reading it he interrupted to correct me. He was also telling me the birth dates and years of his parents. So his mind is certainly much sharper during those hours. He is a natural born God made night owl. So am I.

I suddenly felt the urge to bare my soul to him to a degree tonight. It just came upon me. I broke down crying to him and told him he was a wonderful father and I had great memories with him from camping, and from the campground him and I made together in the woods and many other great memories. He scrunched his face up as if he was crying and getting emotional.

I was afraid that I might be freaking him out and making him think he was about to die so I was sure to add that as soon as they get that bowel infection and pneumonia taken care of he will be doing better.

I asked him if he minded me saying mushy stuff to him like that and he said he didn't. I think he needs to hear it now. Before, he and most of us have not been the type to express our emotions. But this is not the time to clam up and act all emotionless. It is the time NOW to tell him the 'mushy' stuff. Now, not later!

I asked him if the mushy stuff I said made him sad and he said this:
"no, ya cant make me what I already am". That breaks my heart that he is so sad but I guess any of us would probably be sad if we lost our ability to even reach for a glass of water not to mention all the other things he can no longer do for himself.

I asked him if he had any hope for anything and he said no. I asked him if he has hope with what it will be like in heaven and he said yes. He knows in heaven he wont have all this sickness and he will be healthy and happy again.

He knows. He ain't dumb.

I feel guilty now for leaving the hospital when he was still so wide awake. But I knew he was OK and that I needed to get home to spend some time with my family before they went to bed.

I keep feeling guilt thinking I should have or should not have done or said this or that all of those years ago with dad. I sometimes wish I had spent more time with him but I already spent a lot of time with him but that don't seem like enough now.

Don't drink the hospital water! That is what I told dad tonight. It seems most of the nurses are pregnant. 3 of the CCU nurses are pregnant as well as a few in the other hospital sections and it is a small hospital! I'm telling ya don't drink the water! It's in the water! My brothers wife's niece Shannon was one of dads nurses tonight and she is pregnant. This is the 1st time I have ever saw her in action as a nurse and she is a great nurse with a nice calm sweet voice. She did not come across as stressed and hurried like some of the other nurses some times do. She done a good job with dad.

He ate good for me tonight. He did not eat good for breakfast or lunch. He puts me to work moving him around, taking his teeth out cleaning them, giving him drinks and so on. Actually I do it because I want to but he isn't afraid to mention it to me if he wants something. I'm glad of that. I'm glad he trust in me and feels comfortable enough in me to do so.

My Sister Laura, who lives out of state, surprised us and flew in earlier then expected and came to see dad this morning and will continue to do so all week while she is here. That is a good thing. My out of state brother, Kelly, is supposed to get here tomorrow night sometime so that is a good thing as well. I hope they both get some alone time with dad to talk and visit. Dad does not say it but he enjoys having his kids near by visiting him. He needs them all.

He is one cool dad. God gave me a good dad. My Heavenly Father blessed me with a wonderful earthly father. I know if I had been born my dads sibling that we would have been the best of friends.

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 4 and future funeral stuff and our spirits and emotional ties.

2009-01-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

For years I had been telling my parents that they need to get their future funeral arrangements made since they are old. They meant well but procrastinated and did not get it done.

Last night I was asked to help out. I don't mind because I realize life and death are a part of each other and both happens to everyone. But I don't like it. I emailed the funeral home that they choose to get some answers on costs and what is allowed and so on. Kind of weird. I don't like doing it now.

My dad and I have always been so much a like. People have been telling us we look a like too. I have had this very close tie to my dad all of my life. I have been his buddy all of my life. How can I not be emotional over someone I have been close to all of my life? I just cant imagine my dad not being in my life. I am sitting here crying like a baby. I cant imagine losing him.

My dad has a special innocence about him. I don't mean he is perfect because he has his faults like everyone does but there is still this quiet innocence about him where he has not been tainted by the world like most others are. He does not know much about worldly things or evil. There is just a quiet innocence there especially in his older years. And this makes it all the harder for me since this means he is sensitive and needs his family. Innocent quiet spirited people like that need their family and extra help. And it makes it all the much harder to see them suffering when they don't understand why and what is going on.

I keeping praying "Heavenly Father help my earthly father" over and over. I don't have unrealistic expectations that God will heal my dad and make him be like a 20 year old again. Although I know God could but that just don't seem to be how things work. Life is death. And death must happen eventually.

I just cant bare it. I just cant bare losing the only one who has ever understood me without me having to use words to explain it. I cant bare losing the only one who not only has that biological blood connection but also the strong spirit connection.

How would a person feel once they lose that earthy connection to someone? I cant imagine life after it. But as with all things life must go on.

I know millions and billions of people over the years have lost their parents because life is death but I wonder how do the ones who have this strong connection make it?

Are they lost and lonely forever?

Do they find contentment in their spirits again?

It seems so unbearable.

I'm glad dad and I had a good time together watching that animal show on TV last night. I don't think this is the end for him yet.I think once he gets rid of this sever bowl infection that is causing extremely bad diarrhea and gets rid of the pneumonia that he will have some time left. One of my brothers just said on the phone he feels the same way. But it worries people because dad looks so bad especially in the day time. He looks so frail and like he is about to die.

I am glad my out of state brother and sister are coming in this week to see dad. He will be happy to see them. I hope they get to spend some alone time with dad talking and visiting.

So, how does one go on once their loved one that they have strong ties to dies?

I guess I kind of feel that I will be alone on this earth once my dad dies and that no one who truly understands and loves me for who I am will exist anymore. I have a good husband and family that love me. But there is no other with whom this connection is for me or understands me like my dad does. For people who have never had a strong connection like this they don't understand at all. They don't understand how spirits kind of tie themselves to another and need each other. They don't understand the pain, the loss, the hurt, the emotions of seeing them suffer.

My hope is in heaven because I know 100% there that I WILL see my dad again someday after he dies. He will be there in a new healthy body. I hope when I get to heaven some day that my dad and Jesus are the first ones I see. But for now thankfully dad is still alive and on this earth so I must spend time with him.

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 3 and visitors and his night owl ways.

2009-01-25T21:11:00.000-08:00

Well now, Mr Rocky Rucker is quite the popular man right now. I did not think we would break his record of having more then 13 visitors in 1 day. Well he broke it alright. Today he had 25 visitors and those are only the ones we know about. 23 of them were family. WOW!

My dad is a night time person so he looks his worse and is at his worse in the day time. I had been telling the nurses and family this for a while now. He perks up in the evening especially around 9pm. Today people filtered in to see him as he lay there sleeping and looking so frail and ill. Seeing him like that scares me and makes me think death is near.

And then tonight at about 9pm he becomes awake and stays awake and is alert. He asked me to sit him up on the side of the bed several times and to get him drinks and so on. I could do all that alone but when it come to standing him up like he wanted the nurse was there in case he could not stand. But he surprised the nurse and stood.

Since he was more awake and alert he found the catheter tube and started messing with it along with some of the other tubes. I explained to him what the catheter was and to leave it alone and that it would really hurt to pull it out.

He just needed to get up and stretch his legs and move. We got him situated back in bed so that his body is facing the TV. After he got to sit and stand up he seemed to calm down and not shake as bad. Him and I enjoyed watching something about attack killer animals on the animal planet channel. I put the TV speaker thing by his head so he could hear. He asked me if I could hear as well and we suddled down to enjoy the program. He likes shows about nature and wildlife. We both do.

I later left the hospital feeling more encouraged.

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 2 and me

2009-01-24T20:21:00.000-08:00

Pneumonia
Blood infection (sepsis)
Congestive heart failure
Advanced Parkinson's disease

That is what dad has.

Today the ambulance came to the nursing home to get him because the test done on him earlier today showed his pneumonia is worse, he has a blood infection(sepsis) and mild congestive heart failure. So they took him to the CCU at the hospital.

He said he was scared. Then he said he wasn't. His eyes are kind of looking sunk in and kind of dark around them. Probably dehydrated. The stupid antibiotics cause diarrhea because they kill off not only the bad bacteria but the good bacteria that our digestive tracts need. Doomed if ya take them and doomed if ya don't.

I asked him if all us visitors was driving him crazy and if he wanted us to leave so he could sleep. He said no. I asked why. He said "because I love ya." quite clearly.

His doctor said she is praying for him. I thought that was cool. I'm glad for that.

I wanna cry. I don't wanna feel. My oldest child, age 8, is acting up. We need to win her heart back. I wanna home school her but that is very costly. I have a lot to think about and decide. I don't wanna feel right now.

Keep on keeping on I guess.

Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 1

2009-01-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

I have to say that I have one of the best fathers in the world. For real. No over exaggerating there.

My dad has been a golden gloves champ boxer in the 50s earning him the name Rocky Rucker during that time, and a military police officer in the Korean war, and then after all that he suddled down to do something even better which is to be a father. He was a boxer known for being fair and having fancy fast foot work winning match after match. I was so proud of him one year when I met my friends father and he asked me if I was related to the Rucker boxer. I beamed and proudly said yes.

He was always such a strong man physically. Able to do hard strenuous jobs. He has always loved his animals and nature taking us fishing and camping. I have many many good memories with him. Those times have developed a strong tie between my dad and I. My dad Rocky Rucker the boxer of the 50s in Texas and Indiana.

In 1996 dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. As the years went on the disease got worse and worse until he was staying in bed most of the time. His falls started happening more and more. The man who used to once pick me up was now being picked up by me. On December 31, 2008 he suddenly became real sick and unable to walk or do anything. He had been looking poorly before that but refused to go to the doctor because he thought it was just his Parkinson's acting up again.We took him to the ER and they found he had pneumonia which completely wiped him out. And after all he is 78 years old so his age along with the advanced Parkinson's is enough to wipe a person out. He stayed in the hospital for about 4 days and was discharged and put into a nursing home to get rehab and regain his strength so he could go back home were he wanted to be.

While he was in the hospital he went from bad to worse. Suddenly unable to even feed himself he was so weak. He needed total and complete care and help with everything. My once strong daddy was so helpless and needy forced to lose his modesty.

I always knew putting him in a nursing home would break his spirit but there doesn't seem to be any other choice in the matter. My dad is tall and stout and I nor my mom or anyone can care for him with all his physical needs 24/7 at home alone. We cant lift him and reposition him very well anymore because he is now unable to even help. But he tells us he wants to come home. He needs to be home.

He says he is not mad at us or God.

I cant stand for my dad to have no hope, no joy, no peace. He lays or sits there falling over and unable to hold himself up. He is so weak sometimes he cant even suck water from a straw. But his mind stays intact and knows what is going on. He so bad wants to be able to communicate but his voice wont work right so he can only get out a few barely audible words at a time. He is now expressing his love more.

My hearts breaks for him.

Sometimes his eyes fixate on the ceiling and blankly looks at it barely blinking. I asked why he does that and he said he does not even know why or when he does it. I wonder if his mind does that as a way to blank out and not have to feel or think about his current situation?

His progress in the nursing home was slow. He started losing hope. I put out the world for others to pray and for people to send him cards for encouragement. And the week of January 13, 2009 he suddenly started doing much better. So much better that he wanted us to take him to his favorite restaurant called 'the Nook' so we did. That was on a Thursday. That following weekend he got the stomach flu and it wiped him out once again and now he is having to start over.

He once again needs total care to eat, potty, bathe, dress, walk, drink, position himself and so on. This time the hopelessness and discouragement is killing him literally. I felt his spirit breaking yesterday January 21,2009. Today January 22, 2009 I realized that now his spirit is broke. He said he is giving up. My strong daddy cant give up! Rocky Rucker cant give up! He cant do that! One cant die like that with no peace, joy or hope. Yes he can have hope in his new healthy body he will receive in heaven but he cant die with no peace or joy while on this earth.

So I got the word out to a few and some family members stopped in to tell him they love him and he must not give up. My dad needed to hear this. His eyes got teary. Big strong dad got teary. This poor mans emotions must be hurting him so bad inside. He NEVER cries. It just is not his way. Not until now that is.

I'm hurting so bad inside for him. I will break out crying off and on throughout my days and nights feeling broken hearted for him, wanting to be able to bring him home. My heart aches because of his misery. I ache knowing his time is short on this earth. I ache knowing he cant control his body and enjoy life.

My soul writhes in pain crying out to God for mercy for my dad. I beg God to give dad comfort, peace, hope and some joy. I cry out pleading for my dad to regain some strength again. I cry out for strength on my behalf. Dad cant give up I need him.

What is the breaking point?

I need for my dad to regain his hope and peace otherwise I can not bare it for much longer if he doesn't. I feel my soul sinking into dispair for him, depression is sitting in not only for him but myself. How can it not? How can I see my dad suffer every day and not be affected by it? How can I not hurt when he needs help with the easiest of things like holding a glass of water?

I find joy in laughter. I enjoy good funny times with others. Laughter is good medicine. But today my dad is even unable to laugh. His emotions seem to be put on lock down and lost in dispair. Entrapped in that body by an evil jailer named Parkinson's disease. What a vial and diabolical jailer Parkinson's is. Evil to the core.

How can we help him find a spark of joy? Nothing seems to matter to him much anymore, not his TV, not animals, not snacks, nothing. Although he does need and want for his kids and grandkids to come see him.

He has never been a man to express his emotions and love verbally. Now when people say they love him he says it back. He now says it to my mom 1st before she even says it sometimes. He is like a hurting little boy after being a strong man for so many years. Am I losing my daddy?

The only hope I have right now is that he has that one way ticket to heaven. The no return free ticket called Jesus. And heaven will be great.

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The above pictures are all of my dad in his early years way before I was born except for the last picture. 2 of them are him with some of his kids. The last picture is him in a blue shirt sitting inbetween his brother and sister about 3 years ago or so.

You might be a legalist if..........

2008-05-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

I got much of this post info from other sites. The links I provide may contain great info but I wanted it to be known that just because I put their links and info in this post does not mean I support and agree 100%with absolutely everything on those sites.
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ARE YOU A LEGALIST?

Take the quiz on the below link to see if you might be a legalist:
http://www.ptm.org/legalism/legalismQuiz.htm
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DOES BEING GOOD DO ANY GOOD?
Find out at this site:
http://www.ptm.org/legalism/legalismBeingGood.htm
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Signs of legalism:

Are you convinced that God is mad at you and the only way you can make him happy is by being a better person?

Are you convinced that your obedience and performance has some bearing on your salvation?

Are you tired of trying harder because it seems that trying harder is never good enough?

Be on guard for a pastor or church that tells you that everyone else is wrong.

Below site link has some great info and signs on what to watch for in churches and others when it comes to legalism and what we might see in legalist:
http://www.ptm.org/legalism/legalismChurch.htm

Below info from site link :

http://www.purposelifechurch.com/default.asp?page=19

The Signs of Legalism:
1-Is self-centered, not Christ-centered "Look what I have done." (Luke 18:9-14)
2-Emphasizes the externals and becomes preoccupied with trivial matters. (Matthew 23:5-6, 24-25)
3-Makes things other than God absolute. (Mark 7:5-9)
4-Obscures a clear view of God. (Matthew 23:13, 15)
5-Is insensitive to human need. (Mark 3:1-2; Luke 10:25-37)
6-Ignores individuality. (Matthew 23:4; 11:28-30)
7-Develops into a religion of experts. (Matthew 15:3-6; 23:3; 18:1-4)
8-Creates judgment and divisions. (Mark 11:15-18; Luke 20:19-20)
9-Always needs more interpretation. (Matthew 23:16-23)
10-Denies your freedom to make your own decisions based on your personal experience with God. (Mark 2:23-28; 3:1-7)

The Symptoms of Legalism:
• Self-punishment - Legalists make vows not to sin. Then, when the vow is broken, they are plagued with guilt. Guilt drives them to perform acts of "penance" to undo the sin. The cycle goes on like this until either the sin is rationalized away ("I guess it’s not really all that bad"), or the legalists concludes that there’s just no hope for them ("hey, that’s just the way I am--you’ll just have to accept it").

• Duty focus - The Christian life is driven by a sense of obligation. Service to others or participation in fellowship is viewed as something we "have to do." Legalists often resent ministry, but at the same time, derive their identity from it because they get positive reinforcement.

• Condemning others - Legalists are able to see all too clearly the failures of others because they are so preoccupied with their own. It makes the flesh feel better to knock your neighbor down a few notches. They experience the momentary delusion of moral superiority.

• Performance based faith – Legalist want to please God by confirming others into their private image of what they think Christianity should look like. To them it is all about outward appearance and making the sheep conform to the look and attitude of the approved image.

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Legalism and lukewarmness often arise in reaction against each other. Children of legalists easily become disillusioned with religion. Through overexposure to misguided zeal, they become suspicious of all religious enthusiasm, and grow lukewarm.

On the other hand, children raised in lukewarmness may overcompensate and fall into legalism. They feel stifled by the lackluster lifestyle and ho-hum attitude -- hence, they indiscriminately seeks for any kind of stimulating and absorbing committment.

These overreactions are not surprising, because the same sort of thing happens in interpersonal relationships. A person who has been hurt through a broken engagement hesitates to enter another engagement; while a person who is starved for affection easily falls prey to unscrupulous seducers.

Legalism is the manifestation of ignorant zeal in which religious rules themselves become the objects of devotion. This zeal is sustained through social pressure from other legalists, as well as the self-will of the individual.

So legalism inevitably leads to pride, and usually to intolerance -- pride, because 'success' comes from self-will, and not from grace; intolerance, because these rules have no genuine spiritual basis, so rather than defend their practices legalists simply refuse to have spiritual fellowship with those who disagree.

The connection between ignorant zeal and legalism is displayed clearly in the Pharisees, because they excelled in both. Hence let us examine legalism as manifested in the Pharisees of Jesus' day.

Above section from:
http://www.accuros.com/thornbush/pollen/legalism.htm
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A great Christian site for those who suffer from the results of legalism. It also contain wonderful information on grace based salvation. It also contains sermons and talks you can listen to.
http://www.ptm.org/
You can receive every other month magizines from them also.
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Signs of legalism in Christian lives:
Taken from site: http://www.gracenotes.info/topics/legalism.html

Legalism in Christian Lives. Here are some types of religious legalism imposed on Christians:

-Taboos: thinking one is spiritual because he doesn't do certain things or follows a certain do's and don'ts.

-Imitating Personalities: the idea that living the Christian life is conformity in dress, mannerisms, speech, etc.

-Relative Righteousness: "your sins are worse than mine, therefore I am more spiritual" or "I am spiritual and you are carnal."

-Ecstatics: spirituality by speaking in tongues, groaning, getting in a trance, fainting.

-Asceticism: spirituality by self-sacrifice or extreme self denial; giving up normal activities or even necessities in the mistaken notion that God is impressed.

-Ritual: idea that one is spiritual because he goes through various forms of ceremony or ritual. In the Apostle's day, the Jews promoted circumcision as necessary to the Christian walk. These days, baptism is used, or one of the other sacraments.
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Signs of legalism that I notice:

-They think they have to keep trying harder and harder in order to be and do better.

-They think they are almost worthless, stupid, sinful, bad, a failure because they cant keep the rules as well as they want to.

-They feel guilt and shame a lot.

-They feel guilty, shamed , upset or depressed because they cant be as good as all the rules say they should be. They cant be as good as so and so. As a result their self worth is not very good.

-They judge and condemn others putting others down because they don't do this or that or live in a way that the legalist thinks is best. They will condemn others with different morel and dress codes and standards.

-They think their ways are the only good godly way. And anyone who does not do it that way is wrong, ungodly and subject to harsh words of so called rightious judgement.

-They might use scare tactics as a way to control others or make others belive in their ways.

-They perform for God and others hoping to look and be good enough.

-They think doing certain actions and living certain ways will make them be more godly.

-They seem to forget that they also have sinned. So they will talk about the wrong choices of others in length or often. Never or rarely admitting to their own faults and mistakes.

-They can be pious, self rightious, prideful and a spiritual bully.

-They might repeat their teachings over and over as if to brain wash others and make them believe.

-saying or behaving like " see you should have done it my way so you wouldn't be in this trouble"

-They might pile extra rules on you for being born a female and perhaps treat the females like they are not as good or loved as males.

-They dont like those who are different or individualized.

-They dont like free thinkers.

-They dont like for anyone to question their beliefs.

-May try to shove their view points and beliefs at you and down your throat either 'nicely' or pushy like.

I know I will think of some more sings later but for know this is what I have.
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More info I have learned about legalism:

-Legalism can cause spiritual depression .

-Legalism can make people run away from church and God and not ever have anything to do with them again which means they will never choose to have Jesus in their lives.

-Makes them see Christians and churches as places of 2 sided, hypocrites and judgemental rule keepers.

-Those raised with legalism can become turned off of chruch and God when they grow up. They may never feel like they are worthy or good enough to even try going to church.

-They say and do this and that and you WILL have happiness and all WILL work out for you if you just follow these rules and do it this way if you want it all to work out.

-They dont know they are a legalist and might even say how they dislike legalism. They can be decent folks and a regular hard working nice guy. But they are blinded to the truth and will not even consider opening their eyes to the truth and Gods grace.

-A legalist does not have to be religious. Legalism can come in many forms.

-legalism can be in every religion, culture, race, group and organization.

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THE MOST DANGEROUS FORMS OF LEGALISM That I NOTICE:
You must be aware that just because someone is a legalist does not mean they are a rude mean disrespectful monster type of person. I call it the 'loving' types of legalist.

From what I see and notice the most dangerous types of legalism is the legalist who use a lot of truth in their teachings. but with in those truths lay lies and twisted truths. These people are very very convincing. They themselves believe the stuff they teach. They can be friendly, funny and enjoyable to be around. They might pay you extra attention and give you examples as proof that their believes are the one and true beliefs.

They use a lot of Bible verses and may even have their own explanation of those verses.

They are the type who are nice to you. They behave politely and act loving.

So when we hear or read their beliefs and explanations we can very easily get sucked into their legalism and not even know it. It can confuse us for life and stick in the back of our heads speaking its lies often even when we find them out to be lies.

UNLOVING LEGALIST:
In my opinion these are the types who can cause some serious mental and emotional issues in a person forever. These types might be:
-real judgemental
-emotionally and verbally abusive especially if they are talking about or to someone who is not living according to their set of standards. Might even be physically abusive.
-they degrade you, condemn you, bash you and others.
-they try to control you
-Almost heartless and uncaring towards those who have fallen into trouble because of making poor choices and doing something wrong.
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LEGALISM IS SPIRITUAL ABUSE!

LEGALIM MAKES JESUS LOOK BAD!

LEGALISM DEPENDS ON WORKS.

The real Jesus is freedom not rules and regulations. Jesus died for everyones sins so that if we freely choose to believe in and accept that we can and will become a child of God.

Rule keeping wont get us to heaven but Jesus will.
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A great book source on legalism and freeing oneself from it, which happens to be the book authors true story on his former life of legalism is:

"BAD NEWS RELIGION The Virus That Attacks God's grace"

By Greg Albrecht

https://www.ptm.org/uni/resources/order/form_BNR.htm

and

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=119544&event=CF

Jamaica: pictures

2008-02-08T20:46:00.000-08:00

Over the next few months I will be posting more posts about Jamaica with pictures.
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May 27, 2008--I put all the pictures on my photobucket. The pictures on there so far are from digital cameras that belonged to the people I went with and I was taking some of the pictures with them. Once I can get my 4 cameras developed and put on CD I will have a lot more pics to add.

Here is the link for the Jamaican missions trip pictures. As of right now there are about 18 pages of pics so you will have to go from page to page.

http://s93.photobucket.com/albums/l49/BJ_BOBBI_JO/JAMAICA%20missions%20trip%20%20Dec07%20%20to%20Jan%2008/

JAMAICA : Churches and schools

2008-01-26T14:29:00.001-08:00

JAMAICA: The churches and schools we visited (this blog is from my American female perspective from what I personally noticed, felt and saw while on a week long missions trip in Jamaica with a group from my church. Others may feel and think differently. Please check out the other Jamaican titles on this blog.)

SCHOOLS:
I noticed, from what I saw, that the churches are also schools and if those churches did not teach school throughout the week that those neighborhoods would not have had any schools. I noticed a few schools that appeared to not be churches but for the most part it seems the churches and schools go hand in hand. It would appear that it is very important for the churches to teach school throughout the week. The schools don't seem to have to be held to tons of rules and regulations like here in America. The schools in Jamaica that I visited were free to teach about God and so on.

Most schools require their students to wear school uniforms. I don't know why. They say that some families can not afford to buy the school uniforms for all their kids therefor their kids just don't go to school then. Sad.

I noticed that not all the churches and schools have school desks like we are used to in America. Some sit on the concrete floors and use the hard wooden church benches as desk. Some use those white plastic yard chairs as chairs for their desk that would appear to be made of boards or a thick ply wood perhaps? But still those kids manage to learn and not complain about it. And there is not money to build separate rooms and buildings for the different grades. They just put the kids all in 1 room which is the church. Some churches/schools will have areas sectioned off in order to separate the ages into groups. Like one school had ages 3- I think 7 or 8 in one section and the rest in another section. It all depends on the space and money of the church/school.

The churches/schools fix the lunches for the kids in very tiny, I mean ultra small, kitchens with whatever food and utensils they have. They work hard and do a good job with what they have. Just think how hard it would be to have to fix lunches for tons of kids in a tiny "room" while having to do all those dishes after the kids eat in that same small kitchen.

I am ashamed to say that here in America most would be flipping out and complaining about that if we had to go to schools and churches without modern fancy space and things. But I did not noticed the Jamaicans complaining at all. We could learn from them about that.

The kids either walk to school or their parents have to pay for a driver to take them. If the parents don't have the money for the school uniforms and supplies and the driver then the kids simply just don't have to go to school.

CHURCHES:

I love Jamaican church services! I am the type of person who can not keep my attention on any one thing for long no matter how interesting the subject may be for me. But I was able to stay alert and pay attention while in a Jamaican church service. Oh me oh my I also got a good physical work out while in church there.

The 1st church we went to was in Waterloo Jamaica called
" Christ Community Church" Pastored by Pastor Moses and her husband Derik.

Wow they certainly know how to sing and dance praises to Jesus in their body, soul and mind. I mean there was lots of dancing. It was NOT ever inappropriate dancing or misbehavior, they were earnestly dancing for the Lord and singing praises from their hearts. I liked it and miss it.

Arms would flail into the air, bodies would jump up and down or sway back and forth. Someone would yell stuff like " thank you Jesus!" real loud. The sermon was sing-preached. Meaning it was not spoke but said in singsong style most of the time but not always.

It was strongly encouraged that people come and give their testimonies. There was hands on prayer for the sick and some Godly parenting instructions.

There is 1 song I still remember. I don't know its name but it had something to do with jumping on that old devil and jumping in the air for Jesus. During this song we would all have to jump on the devil and stamp him into the ground and then jump up high for the Lord.

The churches need electricity for microphones and speakers. It is a smart idea that they have them because of all the praising God and noise from the crowd the preachers would never be heard if not for the mic and speakers.

I just loved the way Derik played the drums, he was great at it. I love drum music anyways. I got more of a work out in church then I ever have at the YMCA that's for sure! But I was not near as active as the Jamaicans themselves because I was a bit reserved and shy about it and I am way out of shape! I was raised conservative and where people just did not raise their hands or make movements in church, we had to be very quiet, so for me, being in church services that encourage physical worship is different but I love it! But I am willing to break out of that rigid boring mode and experience other forms of praise and worship. I happen to like the Jamaica church style and wish to experience more of it.

I felt a stirring in my soul while in the Jamaican churches. I felt the Holy Spirit there for real. They cant just up and go to walmart and the doctors office for all their needs like we can so they MUST rely on God to provide for them. They have no choice but to depend on God and in my opinion that is why they see more amazing miracles then we do. They have faith and know they need God. We here in the richer countries tend to need places like walmart, hospitals and other sources for our needs and often times put God in the back of our minds. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with using stores, hospitals and doctors ( I have used them a lot and still will ) but shouldn't we be trusting in God 1st and having faith in Him for our needs before we go make use of other means? Just a thought.

Sundays at church are the days when people dress in their up most best clothing. The women wear fancy hats and beautiful dresses. I don't know how they manage to acquire the fancy clothing financially but somehow they do. I felt like I was dressed so low life and not good enough compared to them but no one ever looked down on me they were all very friendly. Many of the females had ball room style dresses, or prom and brides maid looking dresses. It was beautiful and amazing.

We had been scheduled to do one day Bible schools at several churches that week in addition to some physical work. The men folks done most of the physical work while we women done the Bible schools for the kids. Each place we done Bible school got to have ice cream and some also got bread, cheese and juice for lunch.

In the churches we done Bible school we always needed help from the church people to do some of the songs and physical moves. The kids seemed to really like songs were you have to jump around, touch your knees and so on. Just like kids everywhere.

WATERLOO :
We got to Jamaica on a Friday and stayed at Pastor Moses house for 2 nights. Her church was our 1st church to attend in Jamaica. The driver was very busy driving around picking up people for church so we missed Sunday school but we did get there for church service which was about 3 hours long I think? Pastor Moses had me and the group of Americans I was with come up front so that the crowd could hold our hands and pray for us. It was very touching that they cared enough about us strangers that they would pray for our well being. Their church service was the most physical I was in in Jamaica and I loved it! I wanna go back! It was soo neat!

After church we had to wait around for a few hours or more while the driver took people home. Some of the church ladies made us lunch and it was wonderful. How nice of them. I loved it.

After church and before lunch we got to spend time talking with people. I had some crayons and little balls and some candy to give away as Christmas presents. Unfortunately airline luggage weight restrictions wont allow for more then 50 pounds per a luggage so I had to bring small light weight stuff. I talked to the kids about Christmas being Jesus birthday and how it is nice to give to others for his birthday. We sang happy birthday to Jesus.

I brought with me a giant container of wedding mints. I gave them out to both kids and adults. It was nice to get rid of them because they were weighing down my luggage. Everyone kept saying they never had those kind of mints before and they liked them.

While waiting for our ride/driver to get back to the church to take us home we all got to visit with some great people there at the church. Some of them sang some very beautiful songs for us with wonderful voices. An old blind man was sitting outside the church by himself. I had noticed him inside the church worshipping. I walked up to him to speak with him and he was very receptive to conversation. Him and I talked about lots of stuff.

He is blind because of diabetes. He did not always have the money to buy his insulin so he goes without it which makes his blood sugar go high and that causes blindness. He was educated on not eating to many starches and so on so he knew what to do but he just did not have the money for insulin. Was so sad. His doctor told him that his blindness could be partially fixed if he had money to get a certain eye surgery but he don't have the money, I wish I could grow a money tree so I could help people like him. I took his hand and let him feel my insulin pump after I described to him how I take my insulin. He had never heard of an insulin pump before.

The blind man and I talked about what it will be like in heaven. I told him about how in heaven him and I will no longer be diabetics and how we will feel good and be able to eat with no worries. I also told him of my plans to have an ice cream and fruit buffet in heaven and that I would like for him to be one of my 1st guest at my ice cream buffet. He happily agreed to come. Him and I talked about how we knew that probably we wont ever get to meet each other again on this earth but how in heaven we will see each other again. So he will met up with me at my heavenly ice cream buffet.

I only knew that man for a few hours that day and that is all I have ever known him but even in that short time I grew to love him. What a neat old man he was. So gentle, calm ,soft spoken and kind. He showed Jesus in his actions.

While in the various churches I noticed how people would come up to the mic and give their hart felt testimonies. Many were touching my soul.

We was confused and did not know just what we was supposed to be doing so we was not able to accomplish much other then some small work here and there and visiting with lots of great people in Waterloo.

Derik walked us around his neighborhood introducing us to people and going it no some homes to visit. It was great. The hospitality and friendliness of those people was amazing. One home served us a fruit called Jack fruit. It was good. I had never heard of it before then.

Derik taught me a lot. He was patient and willing to answer my many questions and in doing so I learned a lot from him. His wife, Pastor Moses, was very busy because people would come and ask her to go pray with so and so and go help with this or that but even tho she was busy we still had some good conversation with her. I felt her and I had a good connection. I would have liked to spend more time with her.

Our 1st full day in Jamaica ( a Saturday) at her church we met 3 beautiful little girls who kept some of us busy as we colored, talked and played ball. Then 2 little boys came along to join in the fun. The kids loved playing with our digital cameras and taking pictures so they could see the picture they just took on the cameras screen.

I think most of those kids were children of the ladies there cleaning the church. Those ladies were on their hands and knees polishing and cleaning the floor. They done a great job. They would not let us help but finally one of the men with us just dove in and helped and got on his hands and knees scrubbing and polishing the floor. I think they thought it was funny because he was a man. Ha ha. Later on someone came in and looked at the part of the floor he worked on and said something to the church cleaning ladies about how it did not look as good as the other parts and they quickly told that person that the American man did that part out of kindness for wanting to help them. LOL. I thought it looked good.

GOLDEN GROVE CHURCH:
At Golden Grove is a wonderful pastor named Pastor Maxo. His wife and daughter are also great people. I could see the love of Jesus on his face and see it in his actions. He was kind and compassionate to others and was treated with respect by others. His wife is a great care giver to people. She was always cooking, cleaning and fixing food and coffee for us and others. She has a hart for God. Their daughter is so precious. She is well behaved and so smart. She knows several languages and can give the most sweet smile. The school there is on top of the church with another small building on the same property for the younger grades. This was our 1st big Bible school. It is not like here in America were things are structured, on a time schedule and manageable. It can be utter kaos in a good way. The noise level is extremely high and the kids running in and out of the churches was a common thing. It was distracting at 1st because in the American culture we are not used to that but by the 2nd VBS I was more used to it. We tried separating the kids by age groups into 4 sections. Then an adult took over each section doing something different then the other section like: coloring Bible stories, reading a Bible story from a colorful picture Bible, doing crafts and telling/acting out a story about the love of Jesus. It went good but not like we know and expect here in America. It was just different but not bad. The kids kept going in and out of the sections and getting to do things 2 and more times and so on. So the next Bible school we did not section it off like that.
We were able to sing/dance, tell stories and do some crafts.

Pastor Maxo and his wife Marline wrote a little book that has 7 different days of Bible study with different topics and Bible passages to study. They are very talented and willing to be used by God to help others. Pastor Maxo has a wonderful singing voice and has his own music CD out. I listen to it a lot, it is very uplifting with nice upbeat good songs.

I met some really neat ppl there like Wendy, Toni, Kevin and his family, Indian and his family, DJ and his family and so very many kids.

For VBS I told and acted out a story about a chicken. The story all related back to how we need to listen to God. In the story I would have to crow and make chicken sounds real loud and flap my wings. The kids liked that and kept making chicken sounds whenever they saw me that week. I was known as the 'chicken lady'.

After leaving Waterloo we came to this church to stay the rest of the week. We slept in the school part where it had a small room for the men and the bigger main room for us ladies to sleep in. School was out for the time being we was there due to the holidays.

GUYS HILL CHURCH:
The 3rd church we got to go to was called Guys Hill with Pastor Baily as the preacher. This church/school spoke to my hart the most. Pastor Baily and Pastor Jack Terry ( of America) laid hands on me and prayed for my diabetes because that day it was acting up. It was so soul touching that I almost cried, I fought the tears back. There was a women in this church who radiated Gods love from her eyes and face. I wish we had had more time to get to know them all. There was something extra special there.
Their church/school was not in the best shape and needed lots and lots of repair but that did not stop them from worshipping God, I never heard any complaints.

This church is small. At 1st only a handful of kids and parents were there. So we began doing a craft were the kids and adults who choose to could paint whatever they wanted on plain white T shirts with fabric paint. That went over really well. Some of the kids went outside and down the road to tell others which brought many more kids into the church. We rain out of T shirts but had some of those colorful bead bracelets to do with the kids who did not get T shirts to paint.

There was this cute little boy at about the age of 2 maybe 3 there. During the time we was singing he decided he was going to go play the drums because no one else was. He simlpy went up front and got a drum stick and with perfect rythum he played the drums on a church wooden bench. It was great.

I notice that during church it is relaxed in a away that people and dogs can walk in and out during church and no one seems to mind. People can come up and start giving testimonies and almost doing their own little mini preaching sermon. Or they can come up and sing a song. There is no planning and sticking to the time schedule like we have. Just laid back easy going do whatever attitude. I love it.

WINDSOR CHURCH:
The last church/school we visited was in Windsor who was pastored by pastor Moses ( he is the brother in law to Pastor Moses in Waterloo, her husbands brother). In order to get to this church we had to drive as far as we could and park then walk on a trail through what I call the woods or jungle and what they call the bush. I dont know why there was no road to that village. Once we got out of the woods and into the clearing we saw a water pump with lots of people standing in line with buckets to fill up and carry home. Also the church/ school was right there. This village is considered , in jamaica, to be one of the more poor villages.

On that day the speaker and mic did not feel like working so we had to yell and talk real loud during the one day Bible school we was doing at the churches.

We was at this church all day long. The guys in our group went to town to buy some supplies to donate to the church and a few others went with them to get the ice cream and other food for the kids. Shopping in Jamaica takes time and more time. You have to drive here and there for this and that and try and find someone to deliver it if its big and all that kind of stuff. And no one appears to be in a hurry so getting things done takes forever. So we was left at the church for about 4 hours trying to keep the kids occupied while they returned with the ice cream and food.

There is a miracle to tell about the ice cream at Windsor,so read on down to learn what it was.

It was extra hot there in Windsor. I noticed the father down the mountain the towns there were hotter. I mean it was real hot and as always very humid.

We sang, told stories, sang some more, played some games, colored, done the colorful bead craft, passed out ballons and played with them, ran outside and played and chit chatted and whatever else we could to pass the time and keep the kids happy for about 4 hours. Us and the kids were hot, hungry, thirsty and getting tired.

Some of the very young kids were sleepy, cranky, hot and hungry and fell alseep with some of us holding them. I had 1 girl and 1 boy fall alseep in my arms. Like us all they was tired and hot.

Finally we see 2 of the guys in our group coming into the clearing from the trail carrying one of those giant black water tanks they bought for the church and the other people with them carrying the food and other stuff.

FINALLY!
2 of the ladies began cutting up the bread and cheese while the rest of us pored the drinks and began passing it all out. Some of us was thinking

" how in the world will this be enough to feed all those kids??"

Once it was known that there was food being given out to the kids in the church suddenly more kids started showing up as well as adults. How we gonna feed them all?

Some one counted people as best as they could and there was 157 people there, most all were kids. But kids were running in and out of the church so it was hard to tell at times.

The cheese and bread was all cut up so we began serving it. Some how there was enough to feed all those people even tho more and more kids kept coming in.

We ran out of juice so began giving them water. There was not enough plastic cups so when each kids was done with their drinks they would bring them up to be refilled and used by another kid. It worked. They seemed to be used to doing it that way.

The it came time for the ice cream. At the time I did not know this but the lady who got the ice cream had prayed over it because it was the only box of ice cream she could find to buy and she knew 1 box of ice cream would not feed all those kids.

The Jamaican teachers lined the kids up in a long line for the much wanted ice cream. The younger kids got in line for their ice cream 1st. It was like that at all the churches. While the younger kids were in line the older kids sat and waited.

The lines were so long that it seemed like the passing out of ice cream would never end. How in the world would we have enough ice cream? How?

The lady dipping the ice cream kept on dipping and dipping and some how the box of ice cream was not going empty. Strange.

And then the last person ( the 157th) to be served ice cream got the very last scoop of ice cream.It worked out perfect! It was a miracle! It was a God thing! It really was. God some how made that ice cream last to feed all the kids. Ya see God does loves us so much that even ice cream is important to Him! A box of ice cream normally could have never fed 157 people but when God is involved it sure can!

I would love to go back to Jamaica and just stay in a Jamican home and attend Jamican church services for a while. I think I could get so much out of it.
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You would not believe the awful amount of trouble I had in making this post. The font kept showing up no bigger then 0% which made the words too small to read, giant blank spots keep showing up and much more. I am sorry that there is such a large blank spot at the bottom of this post. I can not get it to go away. So I will try to fill it up with a picture of a Jamaican sun rise over the mountains that I took.

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JAMAICA: Transportation

2008-01-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

Our TRANSPORTATION in JAMAICA

( this blog is from my American female perspective from what I personally noticed, felt and saw while on a week long missions trip in Jamaica with a group from my church. Others may feel and think differently. Please check out the other Jamaican titles on this blog.)

Could I possibly describe Jamaican van rides as something close to a roller coaster ride?

The van ride from the airport to the home we was to stay in was almost 4 hours long. There seemed to be something wrong with the vans clutch or something. Perhaps the clutch was slipping. I don’t know. I don’t think it had much shocks either. But it still drove so that is all that counts.
All I know is that for almost 4 hours we all was being rocked back and forth due to the “clutch”. Our upper bodies and necks would sway forward and back over and over and over. Oh and don’t forget the nearly flying around sharp corners around the mountains on skinny roads. It was a real work out just sitting their riding. But I’m not complaining about it because our driver got us to our destination safe and I thank him for that. But it is amazing that one of us managed to get whip lash.

If whomever is doing the driving sees someone walking along the road they know they will either stop and pick them up, no matter how many people are already crammed into the vehicle, or they will at least yell out the window at the person while beeping the horn.

It is normal to stuff, cram and smash as many people in 1 vehicle as possibly will fit. We was told that the law is strict on the people in the front seat wearing seat belts and not putting too many people in the front but the back seats are a free for all cram fest where you can pile as many people in as possible. The drivers are often very crafty and smart at arranging the people around in ways that more people can fit in the van/car. If there is any space left well then by all means there must be a neighbor, aunt, cousin or someone who could possibly fit in and go along. I read on one site how stuffing as many people in a Jamaican vehicle is like playing a Tetris game in how the driver must arrange the “blocks” ( people) in certain positions and ways in order to make for the most efficient space. Well I find that description to be very true and funny.

One day we had 20 people all stuffed into a 12 passenger van along with our back packs and other items. The bigger people sat on the bottom and any kids on our laps. During that particular time I knew I had to hold still and not turn my broad wide shoulders or else the person who was crammed next to me would accidentally fall into the space I just left and not be able to get back up because it would have caused a chain reaction domino affect. Then I would have lost my comfy spot.

It was comical and fun. It really did not bother me at all.
While we was there someone calculated up that the gas in Jamaica was about $5 American dollars a gallon. While back in America the gas price was about $3 a gallon give or take. Oh my gosh that just ain’t right! That is way to expensive for anyone in any country to pay. So considering that I can most certainly understand why I saw so many vehicles stuffed full of people. That way people can share in the gas cost. It really is smart and cost effective to do. Jamaicans are resourceful and smart.

The main highway roads were fine most of the time. Some of the smaller roads were OK but also have plenty of holes and are skinny. But some roads were gravel and as wide as our American alleys and full of bumps, holes and any other thing that will cause the vehicle to bounce and jar about. Many roads, both paved and not, are not very wide and they wind around mountain corners. Drivers beep their horn before going around these corners because any vehicles coming from the other side can not be saw so the beeping helps them to know that another car is coming around the corner, that way they don’t hit each other head on and roll over the edge to their death. Also it is to warn any walkers that a car is about to come around the corner. There are always plenty of people and sometimes goats and dogs walking about. I’m telling ya for someone like me and the group of people I went with it was a bit scary at 1st because we are from a state that is mostly flat. But well what can ya do? All one can do is have faith in God and trust that your driver will get you to your destination safely. And you know what? Our drivers always got us to our destinations safely and I am thankful for that. They drove well and safely. God bless them.

I would sometimes cringe when a puppy, dog, goat, chicken or other animal was crossing the street and the driver did not slow down. Oh the panic stricken feeling that causes but as always the driver managed to slow down in time and miss the animal. Thank you God!

Now that I think about it, it probably is a good thing that so many people stuff themselves into one vehicle in Jamaica because going around all those many sharp corners could get physically exhausting but when you have a person on either side of you to lean on when you go flying around a corner it sure helps. Makes ya feel more secure I think. And the next person tightly crammed in beside you helps to hold you in place so you aren't flying all over the vehicle while speeding around the corners.

So if you go to Jamaica by all means make use of the bars that can often be found on the van ceilings and hold on tight and don’t let go!

More then several times I heard some Jamaicans talk about how you don't want to get pulled over by the police because they will give you a ticket and it will not be cheap. And according to what I was told that if you cant afford the ticket then you can bribe off the police officer with a lesser amount by a certain time. I was told this bribery is common and when you see lots of vehicles getting pulled over you know the cops are getting rich at that moment. One lady saw several cars pulled over and said something like " Oh no, the police are making it rich tonight."

I also noticed the policemen have what looks to me to be a machine guns but I don't know guns very well but it sure looks like machine guns. Kind of intimidating.

JAMAICA: clothing

2008-01-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

CLOTHING in JAMAICA
( this blog is from my American female perspective from what I personally noticed, felt and saw while on a week long missions trip in Jamaica with a group from my church. Others may feel and think differently. Please check out the other Jamaican titles on this blog.)

I don’t know how they do it. What I truly wonder is how do they manage to keep their clothing so nice, crisp and colorfully clean when most Jamaicans don’t have washing machines?

We come upon many Jamaican ladies stooped over a bucket or tub of soapy water outside scrubbing their laundry and hanging it to dry. This method of washing your clothing can not be easy and it most certainly takes plenty of time. But some how in some unknown way, even without modern stain removing washing machines , they manage to keep their clothing looking nice. I want to know their secret! Perhaps the secret is in the very fact that they don’t use washing machines and that washers and dryers are hard on clothing.

Most Jamaicans may not have much money compared to us in America but they have a healthy self respect for their clothing attire for church. I noticed they wore their very best to church and looked very nice. Some even wear ball room dance style or prom style dresses. It is amazing and beautiful. Many of the older ladies wear pretty hats and the men also try to wear their best. Even the children are dressed up in lovely outfits.
Of course when someone is working outside they get dirty but other then that I never saw a Jamaican wear dirty or stained clothing. Well I did see what appeared to be a few mentally ill and perhaps homeless young people who had on dirty clothing but that was most certainly not the norm. And that can also be noticed here in America.

All over Jamaica I saw clean laundry hanging out to dry. Those ladies work hard but don't complain about their work. Amazing.

I felt as if I was not dressed in crisp clean enough clothing. But no one ever said anything to me about it and no one ever looked down on me from what I could tell. I love those laid back easy going Jamaican attitudes.

Jamaica seems to have a reputation for people wearing bright colors. Sure I noticed that but also I noticed people dressed just like we do here in America. People are people wherever they are in this world. I like wearing bright bold colors which was easily accepted there.

If only I could keep my kids and their clothing clean when they play outside like these kids. Someone please tell me the clean clothing secret? Do they change clothes all the time or what?

Columbia city , Indiana Mihsihkinaahkwa Pow Wow 2007

2007-09-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

Picture of the gifts from an Elder.

Picture of some pow wow dancers in the circle.

Picture of my kids and husband at this pow wow.

As always the Columbia City, Indiana Mihsihkinaahkwa Pow Wow was another good one. Something different happened at this pow wow that I have never noticed in any other pow wow I have been to. Some man kept doing what some of the crowd calls "fanning the drum". I asked some people in the crowd about it, I cant remember what all they said about it but it had something to do with helping 'spirits' enter into our world to come upon the pow wow. I'm sure I am not stating that 100% correctly. Either way I was not comfortable with it. Every time the man kept doing it the entire pow wow circle would have to stop and not move while he danced in front of a drum doing his thing. Being of Native American descent I respect the old traditions and ways but that does not mean I have to agree with them and go along with some of them. And the fanning the drum belief is not one I would go along with. While the man kept doing this on and off all day I would pray that the only spirit God will allow to our pow wow is the Holy Spirit and that is all. Some others seemed to be getting kind of sick of and or bothered by the on and off fanning all day long. The 1st time it happened while myself and daughter was out in the circle dancing I had to have another lady tap my daughter on the shoulder to have her come stand beside me because she kept getting in the way of the fanning of the drum path that has to be clear of people. This is by no means trash talk of the Col City pow wow. It was not of their doing and they are always a good clean family oriented pow wow. The fanning of the drum was an individual thing not a pow wow thing as a whole.

That was the only thing I did not care for. But hey no big deal right? This is America, If I don't like it I can go elsewhere and do my own thing.

The Columbia City Mihsihkinaahkwa Pow wow is my all time favorite Pow wow. The circle is large enough to fit a nice amount of people into it. And the vender's are far enough away from the dance circle that there is plenty of room for people to set up canopy tents, blankets, chairs and whatever else to sit and watch the pow wow in comfort. I always enjoy talking with people at the pow wow, so many of them have such interesting knowledge of native ways. And so many of them are friendly and respectful of others unlike so much of society now a days.

If you ever get to go to this Pow Wow be aware that there is no shade trees around the circle so bringing your own shade is a must on those hot August days. I always bring an umbrella and I often hang out in the woods that is right there. The woods is close enough to still see and hear what is going on.

There is a nice amount of food vendors as well. The other vendors have a wide range if things to sell from buck skin, books, arts and crafts, pow wow clothing, t-shirts, jewelry and much much more. Much of the stuff is hand made and done ever so carefully. The vendors are interesting to talk with as they know and have learned a lot of traditional old time ways.

The group of people who put on the pow wow are a nice group of people who work long hard hours all year long. It takes lots of time to put on a pow wow. The work involved is much more then one realizes. For a short while and a summer I volunteered and helped out a bit with the pow wow but I did not do anything big. Some of those who put on the pow wow are descendants of Chief Little Turtles parents. ( he was their uncle with greats in front of it ) . I hope I am remembering that correctly.

Here is a link for their site :

http://www.miamipowwow.com/

I highly recommend this pow wow.

At this pow wow my daughters (ages 4 and 7) were presented with a very special gift from an Elder made by him especially for my kids because he knew he would being seeing us again at this pow wow. Back in June we met this man and his wife at the Auburn Indiana pow wow and my 7 year old asked him to be her dance partner for the one fun special dance. We have always noticed him at the Col City pow wow each year and have always admired his regalia. He knew he would see us at the Col City pow wow so he made both of the girls a hand made beaded base around the stem of a feather. With an attachment hook. He had it attached to his outfit and gave it to them. How special and wonderful it is. What a wonderful honor it is! At the Auburn pow wow the end of one of his feathers broke off and he gave it to my 7 year old. We have kept that feather safe and presented it to him at the Col City pow wow which he matched up to the feather with the missing end on his outfit. We will forever keep that feather tip and the 2 feather crafts he made for the girls.It is a special gift that no one can understand unless they know the Native ways. No words can describe the specialness of it. He and his wife are so interesting to talk with. They are maybe in their 60s or 70s and have survived the racist treatment that native people got back then. They held their heads high and continued to make their native crafts and outfits and go to Pow wows. How cool!

My girls gave the couple each some jewelry we got at some other pow wows.

Wado osda Tsisa!

Signs of bitterness

2007-08-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

I got this great information from someone who posted it on a Christian forum. This is not something I made up but rather something someone else has done. See these signs in yourself? I have saw some of them in myself before.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Common Signs of Bitterness:

1. Gossip/Slander: In the process of complaining, we may gossip or slander that person. We may have nothing or very little good to say about that person.

2. Ungrateful/Complaining: Not grateful for this person. You may find yourself murmuring about them to others.

3. Judges motives: Whatever this person does you suspect negative motives in them. Even if they do something nice, you may think that there motives must be off.

4. Self-centered: When you find yourself spending a lot of time thinking about yourself and how this person affects you. Being absorbed with yourself and how this person has hurt you.

5. Excessive sorrow: Grief and hurt has crowded out any joy, peace, or love that you used to have. It has, in fact, filled up your heart. It may, at times, overwhelm you.

6. Vengeful: We may look for ways to avoid this person in order to “punish” them. We may try to give them a “cold shoulder” in a lot of different ways. We may pout in subtle ways. Or we may be less subtle and find ways to punish openly just to hurt them and pay them back for the hurt they have caused you.

7. Brooding: May brood over what has been done to you. You may find yourself waking in the morning thinking about what this person has done and you may fall asleep thinking on it as well.

8. Loss of joy: Lately, you may have little or no delight in your relationship with this person or with other people. You may even find that you have lost your delight in the Lord as well. Instead of God’s peace, your sin of bitterness may be taking over your heart. If you find yourself in depression, intense emotional pain or distress, please consider if maybe you are bitter toward someone.

9. Critical/Judgmental attitude: It is difficult for you to take the focus off what this person has done to you, therefore you no longer even see what you are doing wrong.

Missing kittens give me a lesson from God and Joyce Meyer helps me learn it. Break Free from Religious Attitudes. JESUS = FREEDOM! Live free!

2007-08-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

A mother cat has 3 kittens in my house. Last Wednesday afternoon she moved them from their nice safe spot on my enclosed porch. Crazy cat.

I found 1 upstairs in my kids room. The other 2 could not be found. I searched all over the house with a flash light and would sit and listen for periods of time for any kitten cries for 3 days. I found nor heard anything.

That 1st night they were missing I prayed for God to take care of them and show me where they were at. I prayed that if it was not meant to be for me to find them that God would cause them to die fast so that they did not have to die a slow death of starvation. I prayed about it for these past 3 days. My heart was sick about it. But some how I managed to maintain some peace about it. I would leave it in Gods hands then take it back out and start begging in the prayers again but I still had some peace anyways. Any other time I would have been a panic stricken worried mess over it.

This afternoon , 3 entire days later, I was in my enclosed porch sorting laundry. I heard a kitten cry. I assumed it was the 1 remaining kitten. I heard it again and this time my 7 year old heard it. Again I thought well maybe it is just this same kitten after all those2 missing kittens could not live this long without being nursed by their mama. I was holding the remaining kitten and heard some kitten crying and I knew it did come from that kitten. So I had my 4 year old take the remaining kitten into the other room so I could follow the cries of the missing kittens.

I then started hearing a loud kitten cry. I thought well at least one of them is alive some how. I then heard 2 kittens crying as I tried following the cries. I was amazed they could both be alive. I thought perhaps that other cat who ran into the house and hid had her babies in here some where? Well I was wrong. I followed the cries to a box full of stuff I needed to sort threw and put away. A junk box. They were at the bottom kind of under stuff ALIVE!

Not only were they alive but strong with somewhat full bellies. How in the world could that have been? There mother would not have gotten down there under all that junk in that little cubby hole space to feed them, the space was to small for her to get into. How did they survive? Who knows?

A thought then came to my mind. That God kept care of them. Kept them alive and strong. I got them out and called for the mama cat. She stared nursing them and licking them just like they had not been gone for 3 days. Why hadn't I heard them cry before? Why didn't the mother cat try getting them out of there? I had saw her sitting on the top of that box and I looked in there for them but never saw or heard them so I thought she was just relaxing on that box of junk. I should have trusted God. This is a small thing compared to all the horrible heart breaking things going on in this world but still I am grateful for it and thankful to God! My 7 year old literally jumped up and said " Thank you God" and jumped about in happiness.

It was like a lesson for me. A lesson to trust God more. I have been having some doctrinal issue doubts and questions this summer. So much so that it has been kind of burdening me and almost making me depressed. I know my doubts were unfounded and certainly unnecessary. Those doubts had been placed in me by I assume some well meaning online Christians. My husband said that he did not want anything to do with Christians who believe such legalism as them.

I was starting to feel as if I could never be good enough to ever be even considered Godly enough. I was not doing this or that good enough or at all. I was not doing 1, 2 ,3 ,4 ,5 and 6 the right way. I must be about worthless right? Well Im just too ungoldy to be correct ever as they might would say. Why should anyone listen to me when I am to ungodly and worldy? Im just not a good enough wife and mother right? How horrible and sinful I must be! Well how wrong that is! I was raised in some legalism. I broke free of it.

last year I began reading from a Christian online source. They contain some rather fall fetched stuff but also some great stuff to learn. That is the catch 22. Stuff that is not edifying but also some stuff that is so great . My soul fought inside and knew it was far fetched stuff but still I persisted in reading it. I dunno why but I did. My bad! It wounded my spirit by doing so!

As I kept reading it I sank into some depression, shame, condemnation and so on. I was just a meaningless worthless wife and mother right? I ain't good enough for anything unless I follow their rules and interpation of their soposed Christianity right? WRONG!!!! UG how repulsive! It is emotional vomit! Legalism is spiritual vomit!

They are not abusive or mean. They speak a lot of truth, enough truth to make them appear correct. I feel bad for those who are living with legalism. I feel people like that are to far into it to know, see and feel it. The well meaning intentions of such people chase many people away because no one wants to live with silly rules all the time. I have had several bouts of struggling with legalism. I think perhaps maybe since I was raised with legalism that it has become an old unneeded 'friend' in life that I hate but almost feel comfortable being near it because that is what im used to. I am not legalistic myself but I can be around those who are. But as time goes on and I get older and farther away from legalism I do not feel as comfortable around that old "friend" but instead repulsed by it.

God is here for me. I went threw some inner turmoil wondering about those kittens for 3 days but God kept them safe and alive, He took care of it and taught me a lesson in it all. Things might seem like not even God will help or can take care of it but that just ain't true, because when the time is right things will work out as they should.

I should listen to God not some closed minded pharisee legalist. Legalist are lost in the DON'Ts of living a Godly life instead of the DO's. Just like so many other folks are in this world. When will they find freedom and learn that we don't need to burden ourselves and others with rules and regulations? I mean lets use some common since there will always be some rules to follow for safety sake but those man made rules of dont do this , dress like this, only sing this, ect is so not needed and so harmful and makes a bad witness for Jesus. Those types of "Christians" are why so many people now a days will not seek out the truth about Jesus and accept Him or go to church. They don't want junk and unnecessary rules and either do I !

Im just so glad I have chosen to know freedom! The legalist will just assume we are wordly, decieved and blinded because my husband and I don't follow their interpetaion of the Bible and their rules. Sometimes it seems as if they have no hope in ever knowing true freedom. Freedom from unneeded rules. Well that is their choice but for me I am so glad to be FREE!

Thank you God! Thank you God for the freedom I have because of Jesus! Thank you that I was never one to 100% fall prey to the closed minded unloving pharisee legalist. I am so grateful to be free!

Listening to something Joyce Meyer talked about has really helped me this week. I am not one to enjoy much preaching because I get bored easily. But this lady says it like it is and says it well. She has a talk entitled
"Breaking Free from Religious Attitudes " parts 1-5 on her site to listen to for free.

I dare anyone to listen to it. It is powerful truth that will most likely upset the legalist. The legalist are to legalistic to realize it anyways but some times a few of them will open their minds enough to allow God to reveal truth to them.Below is a link for her site. I hope this link will take you to the spot where you can click on those 5 parts to listen to. It is way powerful and truthful. They do not last long.

JESUS = FREEDOM not condemnation, finger pointing, a giant rule list, nor ever lasting shame, no feelings of worthlessness and meaninglessness, no worry of being good enough. Those are not thigns from God but instead they are things NOT from God and beware of them!

Link for the Joyce Meyer 5 talks----->
http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/Broadcast/Radio/Archive/

Well it is late and I need to get to bed so I can go to the church that I love in the morning. A church that is not legalistic, I love my church. It has helped me this past almost 2 years we have attended it.

Thank you JESUS!

Diabetic slug on downers longs for heavenly ice cream and fruit buffet and longs to escape the food nazi's.

2007-08-06T12:57:00.000-07:00

My goodness, this is ridiculous. I felt strong and healthy over the weekend. Now today for no reason I am weak and wanting and needing to lay around endlessly. I resemble a slow moving slug on downers today. I am sick of being sick. I'm so mad at diabetes. It is like a slow moving silent killer that persist upon invading and attacking at will.

As if diabetes isn't bad enough I have to be stuck with double diabetes which is having both type 1 and 2. I'm like thinking about ripping my pancreas out and growing a new one. To bad one could not do that. Perhaps if they keep studying adult stem cells and the use of our own stem cells that could happen some day. If I could grow a new pancreas I would be in good shape. Then I would only have type 2 diabetes and no longer be a type 1 as well. The type 2 would be the insulin resistance. I don't think I could get rid of that since that is all the trillions of body cells being resistant at the same time. Of course weight loss and exercise helps that but even then I am still insulin resistant.

I am sick of stabbing my fingers trying to get enough blood to test the blood sugar. I am sick of the non stop sugar swings. It is like a continuous swinging pendulum that never ever rest in the middle. Always swinging. Blasted. I guess I cant complain to much because at least I can walk, see, drive and roam about unlike many others with worse illnesses. Thank God for that.

I am sick of the food natzi's. A food natzi is one who always watches and judges what we eat. They think because they know of other long dead diabetics who once ate a slice of pie and died 3 years afterwards that all diabetics will die of they even look at a slice of pie. You know the type. The person who silently checks out your plate at the family reunion then comments to others about how horrible I eat because I dared to enjoy a micro sized brownie sliver or should I say crumb? They have no concept on carb counting and diabetes. But because they're long long dead great great uncle had diabetes they know it all and can therefor judge us mercilessly. They are food nazi's. Even tho most of them are well meaning they still deserve the food natzi label. Don't be a food natzi!

If anyone is reading this I warn you to not over indulge in carbohydrates. It does not matter if you are skinny and active. If you over indulge you could very well get insulin resistance which leads to type 2 diabetes and other serious health troubles. This form of diabetes is spreading like wild fire most likely due to our high carb lack of movement lifestyles.

I can not wait for heaven some times. I want to live now because I am still kind of young and in my 30s. But I know one day I will be old and sicker then now. At that time I will long for heaven. I already told God that in heaven I expect a giant massive sized fruit and ice cream buffet of all flavors. In heaven I wont be a diabetic so I'm pigging out! I want ice cream and fresh fruit. I want it in large amounts never ending. They are too high in carbs so I can not eat much of that down here on earth, although in the summer I do eat a lot of fruit since it grows wild on my land. And I can not eat dairy products much because I have a casein sensitivity.

So heaven watch out when I get there I'm eating up all your fruit and ice cream! Muahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Nature's bounty-God's gift to me.

2007-08-02T18:25:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!

( the pictures are some of Gods gifts)

I can't help but to praise Him for all the fruit and other things to eat growing on this small plot of land we have.

The fruit we have:

-apples of several types. -pears. -mulberries -wild grapes. -wild plums. -wild strawberries. -wild cherries. -blackberries. -black raspberries.

Other wild foods:

-milkweed. - wild carrot or queen Ann's lace. - clovers - and much more.

I am currently researching and learning about the wild plants growing on my land. I know I have plenty more edible plants.

Years ago I had gotten some books to learn about the herbs and plants on my land but books are not always a good indicator as to what the plant is because their pictures are not always very descriptive. But the Internet is a great source of information. I can research plants on several sites to make sure all the information is consistent.

I have come upon sites that say the complete opposite of each other about the same plant. So I google search a plants information and pictures over and over and visit different sites to ensure myself about a plant before I trust to eat it.

This morning me and the kids got on the 4 wheeler and went out on our land to pick breakfast. We picked wild cherries, wild grapes, wild carrot and milkweed for breakfast.

I boiled the milkweed pods with their silk seeds in side of them. They actually tasted good. Kind like a mixture of peas, green beans and asparagus. It did not have a wild bitter flavor like so many other wild plants do. I also battered one of the boiled silk pods and fried it. Now that was good!

I ate some of a wild carrot flower top, that was not so bad. I cant describe its flavor because it is not like anything I know of. I read in places how it is good in salads. I also dipped some wild carrot flower tops in egg then in corn flower and fried them. That was yummy! Its root smells like an actual carrot when broken just like the web sites said they would. I have not eaten one yet but I will.

I was talking to a lady at church about eating healthy and so on at the beginning of summer. We talked about how expensive it is to buy healthy foods and live healthy. She said she asked God to give her what she needs and provide for her family. I thought I should ask God for the same thing since I also needed and desire to eat healthy.

Well that was back in the beginning of June I think? Well anyways, Just last week and this week I was wondering when God was going to answer that prayer. I had waited. And waited. And waited................................

And the entire time it was all right here in front of my face and I was to blond to see it. This year has been a beautiful over abundant crop of the berries, fruits, herbs and other plants. I mean an abundant supply. I have not had to buy hardly any fruit from the store because God has provided it on my land in massive supply. It is the same plants and fruits we always have every year but this year it is in major abundance and becoming ripe earlier then normal.

My dads dad knew about wild fods, herbs and plants. He was half Cherokee. I wish so much I had known him and his Cherokee mother. But they both died before I was born. They could have taught me so very much. My dad taught me about some of all that and about camping. I am thankful for that.

We go outside and pick our fruit fresh and eat it right then and there. What a blessing to have! I am so grateful! I internally complain sometimes because I want new floor covering or better clothing because I get sick of having used and beat up cars, furniture, and old horrid looking walls and decor. But ya know what? That all don't matter much compared to the lovely edibles God has given me on this land. What person who has those nice homes and those nice things can go out on their land and pick their own fresh naturally organic foods and eat? Not to many. I feel so blessed. It is not anything I have done to deserve it. I do not mean to brag.

2006 the crop of all those fruits was almost non existent to very very small. In 2006 it kept on freezing into May with good warm days and weeks then freezing days and weeks after that. It really messed up the edibles. We hardly even had a mulberry last year.

But 2007 is a complete different story. Just the other day someone was telling me how their wild foods and garden were not growing well because of how we got some freezing temps late into the spring like last year. I think God must have protected my edibles for me. How cool is that!?

God always provides. Maybe not how we expect Him to provide. Like I did not expect to have all this on my land that I would have to go out and pick. I some what had in mind that He would provide us with extra money so we could buy the healthy foods. Well He didn't do that instead He done better then that!

Thank you God!

A great web site for pics and info on herbs, roots,fruits, plants, survival skills and other good detailed info is---> http://www.herbvideos.com/

Here are a few more that have helped me:

http://whatscookingamerica.net/EdibleFlowers/EdibleFlowersMain.htm

http://www.richfarmgarden.com/welcome.html

http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/queen.html#poison

http://www.shawnature.org/nativeland/WildEdibles.aspx

http://www.wildfoods.info/index.html

http://wildwoodsurvival.com/survival/food/edibleplants/

http://www.powersource.com/cherokee/herbal.html

Unhealthy Native Americans. What is the connection with our diets and health?

2007-07-22T19:47:00.001-07:00

We went to another pow wow yday. This one was in Gaston Indiana. It was another good pow wow that I enjoyed. I will hopefully go back to it next year. This is me in the picture.

The kids had fun playing with another little girl there. In this picture they were playing with the real, but dyed, fox faces. Above picture is of the back of the kids heads with their hair feathers.

I notice something similar at every pow wow. And that is obesity and it is the young people that are unhealthy. I'm no skinny mini, In fact I am far from being skinny but I also am not over flowing with hanging fat. Yet. I pray I never will be!

At pow wows I have saw plenty of very obese young ppl in their 20s and 30s using walkers, canes and wheelchairs. Their lower legs are huge and swollen and they look as if they do not feel well at all. I am not over exaggerating! I'm not saying that every other person there is like that but there is enough to make it noticeable. It is sad. They don't appear to be pigging out. Perhaps they are unknowingly eating the wrong type of diet for their particular body type like I did for many years.

I did not see any of those obese people pigging out. I stay at pow wows for many many hours and never have I saw an obese person gorging themselves on food. I honestly do not think all obese ppl are that way from pigging out to much. From what I have learned , read and studied is that this modern high carb low fiber lack of movement lifestyle is killing us off. It seems to affect some ethnic groups and races more then others. Such as how I feel many of the native American tribes tend to have more troubles with type 2 diabetes and obesity then other races. Perhaps , like some studies have shown, their genetic structure does not support for them to be eating this modern diet of white flour, high carb stuff. Perhaps, as some studies show, they have bodies that require them to things like lots of :meats, veggies, nuts, seeds, proteins, roots and some fruits like the natives did in the old days.

But now a days we are told to cut out the fat grams and stuff in the low calorie highly processed foods that have little to no vitamins and minerals in them. Sure they help others lose weight but at what price? Years down the road they could have some rather serious affects from eating a highly processed food diet with a lacking of nutrients.

Type 2 diabetes is rampet in natives. I was at one pow wow years ago that actually had a table set up to test peoples blood sugar because it is so common for natives to be type 2 diabetics and not even know it until the damage has caused havoc. Again this could be their genetic make up. A genetic predisposition to not require a high amount of carbs and a disposition to become insulin resistant real easy if they don't get enough movement in and slow down on the carbs.

To many carbs for ones body type leads to big time obesity. A diet high in carbs can lead to type 2 diabetes, obesity, lots of abdonaminal fat, fibromalgia ( spell) and much more. But how much is to much for a person? Who knows. I guess a person has to play around with it and see what fits them best. Just knock out some of the bread and pasta for starters.

A body that has lots of abdominal fat can expect a variety of bad thigns to happen to them such as diabetes, heart attacks, high blood pressure, poor ciculation, sleep apnea, loud snoring, swollen sore legs, joint troubles and much more. People in their 20s and 30s shuold not be suffering all that. But they are.

Insulin resistance in ones body is happening in major amounts now a days because of our way of eating and living. One does not have to be a diabetic to be insulin resistant. When we eat to many carbs( carbohydrates) our body stores it on the abdomen as fat cells for future use in case of a famine. Now a days in America and many other countries we do not have famines anymore so our bodies never have the chance to use up the stored fat cells from the excess of carbs we ate. So the fat keeps piling on and on and on. Natives are more suseptable to this from what I have read and learned.

And the studies seem to be true because a great deal of ppl I know, including myself, have to much abdominal fat. Many have excessive amounts of abdominal fat not from pigging out but from unknowingly eating stuff that is not pleasing to their genetic make up such as carbs.

I hate seeing Native people suffering like this. I especially hate seeing the younger ones live in bodies of so much fat they can hardly walk and get around. It isn't right. But what other choice do they have? In order to afford a low carb diet one has to be able to buy lots of veggies and meat and that ain't cheap! It is a cycle of disease and illness. Feel blessed if you can afford to eat very low carb all the time!

Back in the old days the people worked hard just to cook, clean and heat their homes( TP's/huts/ caves/ ect.). They walked long distances to get places and had to carry stuff everywhere. They worked hard. We dont have to do all that anymore in America. We dont get in enough movement. It is killing us.

Unless we have one of those weird rare illness we are born with( or contract via viruses and a few other reasons) we are eating ourselves to death, not only in the amount of food we are eating but also in the types of food we are eating. We are full of illnesses and physical troubles at way to young of ages. What we eat is killing us.

HIGH CARB FOODS:

-fruits

-milk and most dairy products

-pasta

-breads

-cereals

-junk foods

-sugar

-white flour

-pop

-juice

-some veggies like corn, peas, pumpkin, squash,zuccini, potato and potato products like chips.

LOW TO NO CARB FOODS:

-veggies ( except for the ones listed above and maybe some others I cant think of)

-seeds

-nuts

-meats

-eggs

-most cheeses

-water

Cancer robs people

2007-07-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to a viewing of a great Christian lady who is only age 50. She died of cancer. She had a battle with cancer. Even tho she had plenty of troubles with her health she remained so kind to others with a good since of humor. She was just a great lady. I can still see her and remember some of the conversations we had at church. I feel the soul of one who has freely chosen Jesus goes directly to heaven when they die. Just like how smoke naturally rises to the heavens so do the Christians soul.

What a sad and horrible thing cancer is. It robs people of their lives at a young age. It robs kids of their parents and robs spouses of their spouse. It just plain robs people. It chooses whom it will and it robs them with a vengeance.

She is in heaven know. She is cancer free. She is FREE. Freedom is a great thing. Freedom like a bird. Being in heaven is an even greater thing. But the temporary separation of her and her family will be very hard on them I'm sure. It is them and many families like them I feel for.

Pow wow clothing

2007-07-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

I'm hoping to find some rolls of buck skin or pig skin or whatever so I can make a pre-European invasion Native style outfit for the kids. I don't care for this modern looking regalia. It is cool but not what I'm looking for. But for now it will have to do.

POW WOW

2007-07-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

We have been going to various pow wows this summer. My spirit feels so calm when going to a pow wow. I am so pleased that my kids want to dance in the pow wow during inter tribal times. This year my youngest ( age 4) danced for the 1st time.

I wish more people would realize that pow wows are not just for people of native decent but for anyone wanting to witness and enjoy some native culture. I find that many people have no idea what they are or they think they can not attend one due to their lack of native blood.

This summer we have went to the Auburn,IN and Marion, IN pow wows and both were great. I really liked the fact that they were in the shade which made it much more comfortable. But my all time favorite pow wow so far are the Columbia City, IN ones.

The CC one has been going on every year since 1996 I think. The only thing I wish I could change about it is that it is in 100% direct sunlight the entire time which is uncomfortable and hot. But everything else is great. Their circle is large and their vendors are not to close to the circle, that way there is always plenty of room for people to sit and walk about unlike at the other pow wows.

This Saturday we will go to the Gaston , IN pow wow for the 1st time. My oldest ( age7) is excited about it. My husband found some goose feathers that are in great shape at a pond. I will make use of them in the kids hair for their native regalia ( outfits).

I feel closer to God while being at a pow wow and hearing the drums and voices. I feel some kind of emotional stirring deep with in me. That emotion sometimes wants to cry. It sometimes hurts that so many natives were treated the way they were and now their languages and cultures are about gone.

But there is plenty to be thankful for now a days. So it would be silly for me to waller in what happened in the past before I was born.

I love the way my Cherokee history tells how many many years ago Jesus came to them teaching them. This warms my heart and proves to me that Jesus wants everyone to have a free ticket to heaven. See below link for the Cherokee and Jesus connection.

http://http://www.cherokeenationmexico.com/religion.html