Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 5 and wide awake conversations , my break down, pregnant hospital water, and surprise visitor.

As almost always again dad was alert and awake late this afternoon and evening. He is like a different person in the evenings. In the day time he appears to be on his death bed and in the evenings he doesn't. In fact I think most everyone is thinking dad is going to die at any moment because of the way he sleeps and looks so horrible all day long and most people go see him in the day time. So no wonder they think he is about to depart this world. I keep telling others to come see him in the evenings when he is alert and awake.

What surprised me tonight was that he was awake for over 3 hours and possibly longer. He was awake from 4pm to almost 8Pm when I left. I don't know how long he stayed awake after I left.

My cousin Sandra made me a real nice scrap book of tons of family information and some of it was pictures and old newspaper articles of dad's boxing days. I took that to the hospital and read the boxing articles to him. He remembered the other boxers and the boxing matches I read about and would try and talk about them.

One article had a certain fact wrong and as I was reading it he interrupted to correct me. He was also telling me the birth dates and years of his parents. So his mind is certainly much sharper during those hours. He is a natural born God made night owl. So am I.

I suddenly felt the urge to bare my soul to him to a degree tonight. It just came upon me. I broke down crying to him and told him he was a wonderful father and I had great memories with him from camping, and from the campground him and I made together in the woods and many other great memories. He scrunched his face up as if he was crying and getting emotional.

I was afraid that I might be freaking him out and making him think he was about to die so I was sure to add that as soon as they get that bowel infection and pneumonia taken care of he will be doing better.

I asked him if he minded me saying mushy stuff to him like that and he said he didn't. I think he needs to hear it now. Before, he and most of us have not been the type to express our emotions. But this is not the time to clam up and act all emotionless. It is the time NOW to tell him the 'mushy' stuff. Now, not later!

I asked him if the mushy stuff I said made him sad and he said this:
"no, ya cant make me what I already am". That breaks my heart that he is so sad but I guess any of us would probably be sad if we lost our ability to even reach for a glass of water not to mention all the other things he can no longer do for himself.

I asked him if he had any hope for anything and he said no. I asked him if he has hope with what it will be like in heaven and he said yes. He knows in heaven he wont have all this sickness and he will be healthy and happy again.

He knows. He ain't dumb.

I feel guilty now for leaving the hospital when he was still so wide awake. But I knew he was OK and that I needed to get home to spend some time with my family before they went to bed.

I keep feeling guilt thinking I should have or should not have done or said this or that all of those years ago with dad. I sometimes wish I had spent more time with him but I already spent a lot of time with him but that don't seem like enough now.

Don't drink the hospital water! That is what I told dad tonight. It seems most of the nurses are pregnant. 3 of the CCU nurses are pregnant as well as a few in the other hospital sections and it is a small hospital! I'm telling ya don't drink the water! It's in the water! My brothers wife's niece Shannon was one of dads nurses tonight and she is pregnant. This is the 1st time I have ever saw her in action as a nurse and she is a great nurse with a nice calm sweet voice. She did not come across as stressed and hurried like some of the other nurses some times do. She done a good job with dad.

He ate good for me tonight. He did not eat good for breakfast or lunch. He puts me to work moving him around, taking his teeth out cleaning them, giving him drinks and so on. Actually I do it because I want to but he isn't afraid to mention it to me if he wants something. I'm glad of that. I'm glad he trust in me and feels comfortable enough in me to do so.

My Sister Laura, who lives out of state, surprised us and flew in earlier then expected and came to see dad this morning and will continue to do so all week while she is here. That is a good thing. My out of state brother, Kelly, is supposed to get here tomorrow night sometime so that is a good thing as well. I hope they both get some alone time with dad to talk and visit. Dad does not say it but he enjoys having his kids near by visiting him. He needs them all.

He is one cool dad. God gave me a good dad. My Heavenly Father blessed me with a wonderful earthly father. I know if I had been born my dads sibling that we would have been the best of friends.