Rocky Rucker and Parkinson's Disease Part 4 and future funeral stuff and our spirits and emotional ties.

For years I had been telling my parents that they need to get their future funeral arrangements made since they are old. They meant well but procrastinated and did not get it done.

Last night I was asked to help out. I don't mind because I realize life and death are a part of each other and both happens to everyone. But I don't like it. I emailed the funeral home that they choose to get some answers on costs and what is allowed and so on. Kind of weird. I don't like doing it now.

My dad and I have always been so much a like. People have been telling us we look a like too. I have had this very close tie to my dad all of my life. I have been his buddy all of my life. How can I not be emotional over someone I have been close to all of my life? I just cant imagine my dad not being in my life. I am sitting here crying like a baby. I cant imagine losing him.

My dad has a special innocence about him. I don't mean he is perfect because he has his faults like everyone does but there is still this quiet innocence about him where he has not been tainted by the world like most others are. He does not know much about worldly things or evil. There is just a quiet innocence there especially in his older years. And this makes it all the harder for me since this means he is sensitive and needs his family. Innocent quiet spirited people like that need their family and extra help. And it makes it all the much harder to see them suffering when they don't understand why and what is going on.

I keeping praying "Heavenly Father help my earthly father" over and over. I don't have unrealistic expectations that God will heal my dad and make him be like a 20 year old again. Although I know God could but that just don't seem to be how things work. Life is death. And death must happen eventually.

I just cant bare it. I just cant bare losing the only one who has ever understood me without me having to use words to explain it. I cant bare losing the only one who not only has that biological blood connection but also the strong spirit connection.

How would a person feel once they lose that earthy connection to someone? I cant imagine life after it. But as with all things life must go on.

I know millions and billions of people over the years have lost their parents because life is death but I wonder how do the ones who have this strong connection make it?

Are they lost and lonely forever?

Do they find contentment in their spirits again?

It seems so unbearable.

I'm glad dad and I had a good time together watching that animal show on TV last night. I don't think this is the end for him yet.I think once he gets rid of this sever bowl infection that is causing extremely bad diarrhea and gets rid of the pneumonia that he will have some time left. One of my brothers just said on the phone he feels the same way. But it worries people because dad looks so bad especially in the day time. He looks so frail and like he is about to die.

I am glad my out of state brother and sister are coming in this week to see dad. He will be happy to see them. I hope they get to spend some alone time with dad talking and visiting.

So, how does one go on once their loved one that they have strong ties to dies?

I guess I kind of feel that I will be alone on this earth once my dad dies and that no one who truly understands and loves me for who I am will exist anymore. I have a good husband and family that love me. But there is no other with whom this connection is for me or understands me like my dad does. For people who have never had a strong connection like this they don't understand at all. They don't understand how spirits kind of tie themselves to another and need each other. They don't understand the pain, the loss, the hurt, the emotions of seeing them suffer.

My hope is in heaven because I know 100% there that I WILL see my dad again someday after he dies. He will be there in a new healthy body. I hope when I get to heaven some day that my dad and Jesus are the first ones I see. But for now thankfully dad is still alive and on this earth so I must spend time with him.